


Chaos Inside

by Gilthlonel



Series: Make Your Own [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XIII Series, Final Fantasy XIII-2, Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII
Genre: Angst, M/M, Psychological Torture, major angst, slight physical torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-10-27
Packaged: 2018-01-26 03:04:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1672334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gilthlonel/pseuds/Gilthlonel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noel and the others have to cope with Hope's disappearance and the changing state of the world. Hope has to deal with Bhunivelze.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All right so here is the second part of the series now titled :Make Your Own.  
> Seems to fight the series and kind of FF13 in general. Make you own family, fate, etc, etc. Anyways here is story 2 or 4. This one manly focusing on the in between before I take on Lightning returns.

It was dark, a type of darkness that he could never recall being in. There seemed to be no up and no down. He managed to stand up and stretched his hands out but he felt nothing. He wasn't even sure if his eyes were open. The last thing he remembered was that it was hard to breath and that some unknown thing was attacking him. He sort of remembered the pain and felt a little worried at it’s absence.

"Hope Estheim." The voice was stark and metallic sounding. It reminded him of the Cocoonian Fal'cie. Not Barthandulus, he had personality but the others, still more machine then even godlike. Creepy and insidious. "I've been wanting to meeting you."

Something sounded deeply foreboding about that voice. He felt dread settle into his stomach.

"You are much more noble then those other insects. Even better then my children's pathetic creations." The voice continued. "Although you do have your own set of flaws."

"Who are you?!" Hope rasped as he turned around, searching for something or anything. He had a feeling that resmbled how he felt being in front of countless Fal’cie. And it made him wonder if he was in front of a God. Well, the God it seemed. The references made it seem like it was going that way. He squared his shoulders. He was Hope Estheim, the director of the Academy and a former l'cie. He wasn't going to be cowed by anyone or anything.

"I believe you were a l'cie of Pulse's... Surely you know me as your maker." The voice continued softly. "You who lost so much. Your mother, your father... Your friends one by one. Even the one that you... love." The word sounded foreign and misunderstood coming from the bodiless spectator. "And yet still you are the brightest light on that cursed world. Shining so brightly and benevolently on them.... Guiding them through life and into the distant future. Just like a god would do."

"Just like the leader of his people would do." Hope retorted in his best angry professor voice. "The Fal'cie, Lindzei and Pulse did not do any such thing for us. And neither will you!"

"For those broken creations of course not." The voice sounded almost sad, or at least it was faking it's best impression. "You see the Fal'cie were my wonderful creations. And then Etro's cursed blood begot you miserable abominations. But as I watched over you I've come to learn the value of humans. Once you have been cleansed... you will be perfect. A wielder of chaos instead of a slave to it's useless defects."

Hope wasn't sure of what he meant by that. It was true that the human soul was basically pure chaos that through the blood of Etro took on flesh. They were much different from the Fal'cie that existed for centuries, millennia even without being able to create new life. Humanity had a lot of things that Fal'cie didn't. It wasn't raw power but it was still something that this being before him couldn't seem to grasp.

"You see." The metallic voice continued. "There were only two who could create such vibrant things. They are both gone now." The voice seemed to not lament the passing but seemed almost jealous of those beings. "But through you I shall take their puny creations and make them perfect."

Hope found himself dreading everything that was said to him. He stepped back, one foot after the other across the inky blackness. He wanted to say that he was brave. That he could fight this. But the sinking sensation had curled up in his gut and it was obvious that he had no real power here. This wasn't just some Fal'cie with delusions of grandeur, this was the maker. This was Bhunivelze and he was about to be a grand experiment for him. 

Light burst through the darkness, revealing a strange space outside of time it felt like. He was lifted into the air, his limbs stretched out almost uncomfortably. A Fal'cie like creature. Large then Fenrir, it seemed larger then the ark. It reached out a massive hand, and a finger pressed against Hope's chest.

"Such fragility. I made my creations with such strong bodies and yet this weak, pale flesh houses one of those who contain the ability to destroy such things." The finger moved up to his head and pressed against his temple.

Hope gasped at the pain, he tried to pull away but couldn't move. Something was inside him, inside his mind it felt like. Crawling around and pushing things around. The pain increased and he felt like he was reaching a limit but black never clouded the edges of his vision. Whatever this torment was, it was going to last a long time.

After what felt like a lifetime, the pain stopped and he sagged in the grip of God's power. Bhunivelze seemed to regard him thoughtfully for a while and then leaned back. Hope opened and shut his mouth a few times. He wanted to say something but his mouth felt dry and his tongue felt too big.

"So many problems." The God of Light murmured to himself. "And this body is highly unsatisfactory. The l'cie body was much better. So much to do."

"Why me?" Hope rasped out. His throat ached. "What do you want me for?"

"I need a host. Something to help me destroy the corrupted chaos. The prototype of the perfect human." The large hand came up again. "But first I want something more pleasing to look at."

Hope screamed as the pain came back. This was much worse then before. Detachedly he realize that the God was keeping him conscious through this. Using it as a way to break him. He wouldn't break. Not now, not ever. Bhunivelze leaned closer, his face unchanging and machine like. And that's when the tearing sensation added to the pain.

*********************************

Noel stood up slowly and growled between his teeth. The Academy had decided to confiscate all of Hope's things for examination. Basically ruining any starting point they might get out of his things. To make things worse, was Lightning's revelation that Hope was outside the Ark. But the Goddess' champion found nothing outside that resembled anything human. The one person he needed the most was gone without a trace. And there was no lead, no one to blame. Nothing.

"Noel. NOEL!" Serah was standing before him with her hands on her hips. He looked up at her and sighed deeply. It had been nearly 3 weeks since Hope had gone missing. The Academy was having a hard time quelling the public without their charismatic leader now that it seemed that things were going more and more wrong. "We're going to go meet with Light... She thinks that she has a lead."

He hopped to his feet almost immediately. He wasn't sure that he wanted to hear with the champion had to say. It could amount to nothing more then that she found Hope's soul among the chaos. Gone forever as Hope... maybe never to be reborn as someone else. 

They trooped through the streets. The unrest was growing as the Academy basically seemed to be falling apart without it's great guide. Sazh had said something about needing closure. Noel remembered scoffing at the thought. He didn't want closure. He wanted Hope back. Instead of meeting at Snow and Serah's, the pink haired girl led him to Fang and Vanille's house.

"Hello!" Vanille created sunnily as she opened the door. She still looked sad, but she also looked determined. Once inside, Noel was surprised to find that people were missing. Vanille took a seat beside Fang and Lightning stood in the corner as Serah went to sit by Snow.

A quiet stretched across the room. He wanted to ask about Sazh and Dajh but found that he had nothing he wanted to say. After a few moments Vanille started speaking quietly.

"I found something out that might be our closest lead at the Academy. It seems that something is happening to the Ark... destabilizing it." She took a deep breath. "The only thing showing up on the readings is light. Pure light."

"And what does this have to do with Hope?" Noel asked turning to look at Lightning.

"I went to Etro's throne and the echoes of her consciousness was unsettled. It spoke of something well... Not of either world. The only thing I could think of was the one the Fal'cie called 'maker' the God of Light Bhunivelze." Lightning spoke as she crossed her arms. "And if that's true... This is really bad."

"What do you mean?" Snow asked quietly.

"Bhunivelze hates Etro... And seeks Mwynn... Both of whom are in the Unseen Realm. Well, Etro is here now but Mwynn is long gone." Lightning bit her lip roughly. "Hope could explain this much better.”

"So we have to deal with some god with a mommy complex? If he can stop this stagnation it would be worth it." Snow smacked his fists together. "This is his fault right? All this to attack Mwynn one last time."

"Snow... if he resents things created by Mwynn and Etro we are one the chopping block." Lightning swallowed hard. "If Bhunivelze really is awakening... The end of the world has come."

Noel gritted his teeth. "Great." He spat bitterly. "So the world will end and there is nothing we can do."

'Bhunivelze might have taken Hope." Vanille spoke up finally. "In the lore passed down in Oerba from Anima, we knew that the Maker couldn't fully function in this world because chaos. And other things that Mywnn had created continued to reject him."

"And what does that have to do with Hope." Noel growled out.

"Hope can make anything... We think that God might use his abilities." Lightning sighed softly. "Or maybe not… but Bhunivelze is the only lead we have other then assassination."

Noel folded his arms across his chest and took a deep breath. "Then let's figure out a way to stop a god."

*********************************

Hope gasped as he was dropped on the ground. If he could call it such. He felt strange, as the strange energy of the God left him he felt weak, empty and small. Lifting his hands up, he realized with a choked laugh, they had shrunk. He was smaller now, as he ran his hands over his 'new body' he realized that he was in a familiar yet not body.

He remembered that Bhunivelze had mentioned that his l'cie body was much more suitable then his older one. As he examined himself he realized that he was wearing mostly what he had worn back then. Oddly enough his scarf was different. He pulled off the handkerchief and studied it. It was black and white but he clearly remember the green handkerchief given to him by his mother. A good luck gift from when he had started school.

"Ah." The God spoke as he noticed Hope's confusion. "Your memories are strange. Certain things are blocked from me. I assume it is a byproduct of the chaos."

Hope nodded faintly. He was very emotional about that scarf. He had taken it with him all the way to 500AF hidden within his things. It was almost as dear to him as the scarf that covered his l'cie brand though obviously for different reasons. He shook himself, chaos gave humans emotions, determination and free will. He would preserve those and preserve himself.

"It is obvious that these things are effected by the chaos and yet I can't sense it within you." The large hand came down and curled around him. "It will take a very long time to fix flaws that I cannot see."

The large hand around him squeezed to the point of painful and the light forced its way inside of him again. Hope opened his mouth and screamed. This was worse then anything that had come before and he hadn't thought it was possible. It felt like bits of him was being ripped away and through out it all his mind stayed horribly clear.

"Ah... So the seeable manifestation of chaos is emotions. I'm not sure of their function but I do believe that this will start the next phase of making you perfect."

*****************************

The unsettling rumble that the Ark gave off periodically, made Noel pause as he sat the groceries on the counter. He had moved in with Serah and Snow. He wasn't sure about living on his own anymore after the revelations that Lightning had given them. He felt shaky on this inside. As if parts of him were shaking loose and he was leaving them in places he couldn't remember.

Sazh had said that was part of the grieving process but Noel had grieved before and it had never felt like this. He had lost his whole village. His teacher, mentor, father figure. And his best friend, confident from childhood was a specter he could only talk to with permission from the Academy. Life kind of sucked.

The second earthquake like event rolled through and that made Noel nervous. The slow descent of the Ark was scary and also riddle with problems. It was as if something was literally trying to terrify the inhabitants while keeping the actual Ark pristine. Sazh had mentioned something about wanting them out but to evacuate the Ark surely meant death.

"Hey kid... you okay?" Snow asked as he entered the kitchen. He was trying really, to get along with Noel. They were too much alike in a lot of ways and often rubbed each other the wrong way. Also, it had been harder for Snow to deal with what he called new Noel... Who had lost the youthfulness and sunny cheer that he'd always had before. Losing Hope had been bad. Not as bad as it could be with memories still forgotten. But Snow didn't doubt that he and Serah were living with a grief time bomb.

"I... I've never lived on a world that shook before." Noel admitted quietly. "It makes me nervous that the Ark is just going to fall."

"Well that's a sour way to look at things." Snow scratched the side of his head and then shook himself. "I heard from Arcane that the Academy had sent out robots to check and see if humanity can evacuate the Ark..."

"I guess humans sort of can?" Noel replied quietly. "Of course... humans survived the crystal dust before... just not in large groups yeah?"

Snow seemed to think for a second before he shook himself. He slung an arm around Noel that was quickly shaken off as the brunette began to put the food away. Snow gave a put out look but he figured that prickliness was better then defeat.

"Serah said that we were going to have chocobo steaks for dinner." He spoke changing tactics. The taller man had found that if anything appealed to Noel it was definitely food. The other shrugged idly and Snow did deflate this time. He knew he couldn't cheer the other up. But he hated the defeated air the other seemed to carry. Anger it was then. "Are you really going to sit here and mope like a domestic?"

"Well every time I try to go search for Hope some big dumb blond seems to sprout superpowers and stop me." He grouched lowly and then stopped. "I'm tired of feeling helpless. And I'm tired of waiting."

"Me too kid." Snow wrapped an arm around Noel again and this time wasn't refused. "But don't worry. You did good... It's the rest of us that fucked up."

*********************************

"I guess you are wondering who I am." The voice spoke. 

Hope turned towards it. He was on his back, he was fairly sure. The absence of light made it hard to distinguished much. His limbs still hurt from the transformation. He wasn't sure of how the God had managed to put him inside his younger body, but he knew that it involved destroying his real body. Which meant he wasn't going to survive this.

"So silent now." The voice continued. A lance of lightning like pain hit Hope and he rolled slightly. He was constantly in pain. All he really know about this place was pain and the voice. His stomach was sore with hunger and occasionally made sad noises. His throat was raw and aching. And his extremities felt weird. "I know from your memories that you know the lore of the world. Is it so hard?"

"Should it be?" Hope couldn't help himself. He did not react well to people or well creatures with that sort of lording personality that this god had. The next lance of pain was so strong that the mage was sure that he'd blacked out for a second or a short eternity. Did time even matter in this place?

"My name is Bhunivelze... the God of Light and the Maker of all."

"Mywnn was the maker of all... Lying is never a good thing." Hope spoke as he pushed himself to sit up. The God made a dark sound. Hope felt nervous. 

The shearing pain that erupted in his side gave way to a wound that would have killed a normal person. Hope realized long ago that Bhunivelze was keeping him artificially alive for his amusement basically. As blood spurted from the mortal wound he tiredly closed his eyes. The pain was great but he was sure that one day, he wouldn't even feel that anymore.

***********************************

"At this point the only thing that makes sense is that God is awakening." Lightning spoke as she and Fang sat with Noel and Vanille. "What did Arcane tell you?"

"Nothing that sounds better. Basically it seems like something wants us off the Ark. But something strange is happening on the ground below."

"Oh?" Fang asked but her eyes were purely focused on Noel and his reticent pose.

"The Chaos Army has well... the war is getting worse. The chaos has now I guess started to attack the Ark harshly. Almost like it's trying to attack whatever is causing the earthquakes. There are no longer attacks against Yeul's mark but against that. I would ask Yeul but the Academy has banned anyone from speaking to her."

"Idiots." Fang spit.

"I think that Bhunivelze took Hope." The non-sequitur had Noel jerking his head up.

"What?!" He growled.

"All signs that I can see point to that being the only thing that could be happening. It's obviously the end of days approaching. And with the gate opened it's about time the head honcho awoke. After all, the mission was completed."

"No. Just... no. I refuse to believe that." Noel pushed up from the table.

"Wait-" Lightning stood up.

"I just can't right now." Noel stated and walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right so... sadly there will probably be updating delays. Because in Japan it's primetime training time right now for new hires in global companies and that involves me.
> 
> But! It shouldn't be too bad as most of this story was written last month. I'm friendly though if it seems like I've died you can just say hey! Are you alive and I'll probably answer.

Noel had managed to sneak his way into one of the nature reserves. He sat on a low ridge and looked out over the plains. This particular reserve was made to resemble the Archlyte Steppe and it allowed him to relax. His swords never too far away he just looked across the distant and watched the monsters roam. He rather missed hunting and had a passing thought of doing so. Usually you needed permission but the Academy was practically in shambles now. No one to stop him.

"Lightning told me what happened." The soft voice had Noel turning around quickly. He hadn't thought someone would come looking for him that fast. It was only maybe two hours ago that things had went down with Lightning. "You know she didn't say that to hurt you."

"She didn't hurt me." Noel grumbled. "I'm just scared... The last time I felt this useless Etro granted me the ability to travel through time. To at least try to save Yeul. I need a miracle... or at least stupid Snow to let me actually search for Hope."

Serah sat down beside him and took his hand. They were silent for a few moments and then she tugged his hand gently to get his attention.

"Promise me you'll never give up on him." Her voice was serious in a way he hadn't heard it before. "Just like I never gave up on Lightning. It took us over 500 years to be reunited. And I believe you can find Hope faster then that."

"Hey! Don't down talk yourself. You worked hard." Noel stated as he turned to face her.

"I... Before you I never fought. Even as a l'cie I had all that power and instead of fighting I pulled my sister and Snow into it instead of standing up for myself. It wasn't until you came that it even occurred to me to try and fight my own battles." She admitted shyly. "In a way Hope was much better then me. He got thrown in to but he didn't lay down and die. He fought."

"Serah... don't say that. You've done a lot. More then enough... Everyone has." Noel clenched his hands into fists, a watery chuckle escaped him. "We can't all be crazy like Lightning. Bhunivelze won't awaken. He would have done it by now if that were going to happen. Hope is out there somewhere. And I am going to find him."

*************************************

The earthquakes were growing steadily worse. Noel felt sick with motion sickness from the frequency but found there was nothing he could do. The Academy had announced evacuation plans, which had caused panic and disorder to reign. It was only a matter of time before full scale violence broke out. There was no where to start though. What was there to do in face of the inevitable?

The others had moved into close proximity incase terrible things happened. Snow had put together what he called 'go bags' and forced everyone to carry them everywhere. Pilfered potions and other medical goods from the Academy. Manadrives and anything else they could find so that they could at least protect themselves and others in the outside world.

A low shudder moved through the Ark. and Noel clenched his teeth willing himself not to throw up. He knocked on the door to Sazh's house. If he remembered correctly he had the stuff for motion sickness. And then the whole world shook harder then it ever had before. Noel barely managed to fling himself through the open door when the great continent released a great cracking sound.

Noel heard screaming around him as Sazh curled around Dajh to protect him. The hunter unable to grasp anything slammed his head against the ceiling or was it the floor? He screamed in pain and gasped at anything or nothing. At least Noel though blankly as the Ark fell faster and faster. He wouldn't have to wait any longer.

***********************

"Hey! I need help over here!" Sazh called as he curled his good arm around Dajh, his other broken rather badly. The ark had hit the ground surprisingly softly for how fast it fell at the end. It seemed that most people around them were alive actually. Which also bothered Sazh a bit. As if whatever dropped the Ark had wanted to make sure that they were safe if a little bruised. Like a careless child dropping a pet.

Snow appeared in the broken shells of the house and saw Noel, blood leaking from the side of his head. He gingerly picked up the hunter and nodded to him. "We're trying to get through to Arcane but it looks grim. The Academy HQ collapsed on itself. Everything seems unsteady now it's just evacuation I guess."

Sazh nodded and gestured Dajh to walk ahead of him. The little boy was quiet as he followed his dad's orders. It was shell shocking to say the least. Cocoon had fallen but not as far, not as hard and without such detrimental consequences thanks to Vanille and Fang. The outside world looked like hell, even the ruins of Pulsian villages had never inspired such a feeling of loss in Sazh before.

As they trooped to the remains of Serah and Snow's house Sazh couldn't help but suck in a bitter breath. Refugees again as it was. He was definitely too old for this shit.

Lightning met them at the door and ushered them inside. She then took station at the largest opening as a way to protect them. She was unharmed, goddess power's protecting her greatly. Inside the others looked worse for wear. No one injured as badly as Sazh or Noel. But all the same looking worse then they had even in their l'cie days. Noel was laid out on the couch and Serah reached out for him with what was left of her powers.

Everyone needed to be up. They had no options now. Every delayed second could mean death. The other surged awake with a gasp and sat up. He was reaching for his swords before he knew what was happening. Serah grabbed his hands and murmured soothingly until he was calm enough to take a deep breath. When the other finally calmed down enough she removed her hands and moved on to Sazh.

"All right." Fang stood up from where she was squatting near the back window with a radio transmitter. "Everything seems to be fucked at The Academy. I'm still not able to get through to Arcane even on her private line. I guess at this point it's best to assume that she's dead."

A grim silenced followed her words. It could mean that the whole leadership had been taken out. The world was bound to descend into chaos. After a few minutes Lightning reentered the room. She shook her head grimly. "Something bad is coming. It'll be in our best interest to get off the Ark now."

"And the other people?" Vanille asked quietly.

"Are heading to the checkpoints for evacuation. Whatever is left of the Guardian Corps will take care of them. We need to get off the Ark and see what the chaos looks like." She explained tersely and they nodded in agreement.

Together they trooped quietly through the broken city towards a point where Lightning could use their powers to teleport them without getting the attention of the Guardian Corps of the remaining survivors. Lightning took point and Snow took up the rear with Serah. Both noticed the shaky way that Noel was walking. 

Sazh had recovered just fine, though too much pressure on the arm would cause it to break again. But Noel, Noel walked as if he were concussed. He listed off to his left side and occasionally brought a hand up to his temple. Snow gently pushed Serah forward to go talk to the ailing young man.

"Is something wrong?" Serah asked as she meandered next to Noel trying to look him over without being too obvious.

"Just a little headache from having to get up so fast." The brunette replied weakly. Serah didn't believe that for a second, she touched his head and he shook her away only to trembled violently. His body began to falter and his eyes rolled up into his head. Serah grasped his arm but she was took weak. Fang was quickly on his other side grasped him as he sunk to the ground.

"What the's problem." Lightning asked, she had stopped but didn't look back, too on high alert.

"A concussion maybe?" Serah asked as she looked him over with both eyes and magic. "It's definitely a brain problem."

"Shit." Lightning bit her lip roughly. "Fine. No point in getting him up to suffer further. We'll teleport here."

"Is that safe?" Vanille asked quietly.

"Nope. But no choice." Lightning responded as she gestured them to gather close around Noel's prone body. Once they were all close together she called upon their powers and moved them to the outside world.

The lands of Gran Pulse were nothing of what they looked like before. The crystal dust had reformed into giant jagged sculptures and rock formations on the landscape. The were still patches of chaos but they seemed to pay them no mind. Singularly focused on the Ark or each other. They were in a forest actually. Lightning realized with a start that time must have passed differently for them with in the Ark. It was obvious that hundreds of years had passed out here. And yet in the Ark it had only felt like a few years. 

************************

Noel awoke a week later with a jerk of pain. He was inside a strange tent and outside people were working round the clock to build. He pushed himself into a sitting position. The pain in his head increased and he bent forward to allow it to relax him. After a while he took a deep breath and released it. The last thing he remembered was trying to find a way out of the fallen Ark. Connecting the dots slowly he surmised that he was on Gran Pulse. Which meant a chance to find Hope.

That name sent another course of pain through his head. Lowering his head further he clenched his eyes shut. He could remember now. His history, his everything. Caius' betrays, Yeul's dreams and wishes. Even Alyssa, but most importantly he could remember the time that he'd spent with Hope before. In 400AF when things had seemed so much easier.

"I thought I heard some noises in here." The door swung open unceremoniously. The voice clicked after a second through the pain. Fang. "Looks like you're up but not better."

"How long have I been out?" He asked licking his dry lips.

"You lay back down, drink some water and I'll tell you anything you want." Fang replied and Noel followed her orders slowly, afraid to make his mind hurt more. Once he was down she came over to the bed and sat next to him and handed him some water.

"Now." He stated firmly.

"Well... We're on Gran Pulse for starters. Hope's Ark is... well it's gone." She crossed her arms as she looked towards the door. "Basically the world has fallen apart as far as we've know."

"Sounds fun." He grumbled and she laughed light.

"It could be. The world is so different from what it was before. Right now you're in a settlement called Yusnaan... Snow wanted to build a safe haven for us..."

"But?"

"You'll hear all about that later." She waved her hand. "There's another settlement to the North. Last I heard they call themselves Luxerion... Anti-Academy folks basically." She snorted. "They are gonna be a problem."

"Then we'll be a problem right back." Noel replied, he was already feeling better.

"That's the spirit!" She replied happily. "Anyways. You rest and recoup that youthful energy. Snow is building a city that should hopefully be done in a month."

"A month? That's crazy." Noel sat up for real and Fang pushed him back down.

"He made a deal with a Fal'cie... And well... nothing ages here... not even the seal so... It's not safe but it's not bad you know? He thought it was better him then the rest of us... So the city is whatever Snow will want it to be."

"Seems like a bad idea."

"Everything at this point is a bad idea." Fang shook her head. "Go back to sleep."

**************************

Noel stood in what had been named the Patron's Palace and shook his head. Fal'cie and L'cie powers indeed. The city of Yusnaan was great and beautiful really. A place that according to Snow was supposed to bring back people's hope. Noel found the sentiment annoying. Once the parties had started, Sazh had checked out, him and Dajh moving out into the wildlands away from everything. Sazh hadn't wanted anything to do with anything anymore. His most important thing was Dajh and he claimed to not want to fight anymore.

Vanille and Fang had left as well. Both following Sazh not too long afterwards. Neither were ones for big cities. Heading into the Desert Dunes because they'd heard word from the excavators that the ruins of Gran Pulse had been buried there. A good place to look for things to aid human kind. A redemption of sorts that Serah had grumped about.

It made Noel angry to be honest. They were all moving on, more concerned with themselves then with Hope. He understand what Serah and Snow were doing, building a society. A city for humanity to thrive in that was what the mage would want. But everyone else seemed to care about their own affairs.

Or maybe he was being unreasonably bitter.

As he stood looking out over the happy people Lightning came to stand beside him. The two of them, in the past three months since Noel had awoken had come to somewhat of a truce over their bitterness about Hope. She gestured out into the city.

"It's strange I think... but kind of nice." She leaned forward on the rail. "But also depressing. It feels like Cocoon again being at the mercy of a Fal'cie to provide the things to keep the city running."

"Hope wouldn't have wanted that right?" He asked quietly and she nodded in agreement. She took a deep breath.

"I want to apologize. For not protecting him. For wanting to abandon not just him but all of you." She shook her head. "I was so focused on Serah that I was going to abandon everything I stood for. Everything that we all believed in. Back then we had formed a family... A deep bond."

"You all are still family." Noel replied as he turned to face her. "And it's not as if there is no reason for what's happening. Everyone is moving on. Forgetting." He spat the word like a bad taste.

"I don't think they are forgetting." She spoke gently as she placed a hand on his shoulder. "I think we are trying to continue his work. We will find him. But if he came back and this place was in shambles..."

"Our ears would be ringing for days. But it can't been any worse then the shit that Snow's going to get." Noel bit his lip roughly. Snow had and would always been one to do too much. He had exchanged his brand from Cactaur with seemingly the world's only remaining Fal'cie. A brainless creation monster. It had a rather sad existence... Just chugging out things for mankind. And Snow had given up his new found freedom to keep that Fal'cie here. Caring for them.

Even those ungrateful fools in Luxerion.

"We are all family." Lightning squeezed his shoulder firmly. She brushed at his shoulders and then turned back towards the horizon. "I'm going to find a clue one day. And when I do we will pursue it. Don't give up."

"You don't have to tell me that." He grouched. "I can't stand this place. I think I'm going to go look for Hope myself."

"You just have to hold on." She insisted. While anyone would say that Noel resembled Snow the most in personality, Lightning saw a lot of things in him... at least now that reminded her of himself. He was sinking in grief and locking them all out. And she had done that once. Lost herself instead of focusing on what was important. 

She refused to allow herself to sink down and become that person again. She touched his shoulder and knew that he really wasn't going to stay. She squeezed it again and forced him to look at her.

"No matter how far you go. You can come back here. Never forget that. We are all... no matter what it may seem like. We are all fighting for the same goal."

"Do you really believe that?" He asked quietly and she nodded her head firmly.

"We make the impossible possible. We will find Hope and we will save the world."

Noel nodded weakly. After all, they had accomplished so much in the past. In all honesty he was the one that had screwed everything up. He turned away from her and headed back further into the palace. Lightning sighed deeply feeling troubled. She didn't think he would leave yet, but she knew that when he was gone, there would be no one there to keep him together.

As she turned to go back into the Palace a bright light cast into the sky. Like a sun or bright moon something rose into the sky. She swallowed hard, it seemed like a bad omen. She moved to report to Serah. Whatever they were up against might have made it's move.

 

Noel sat on his bed inside the the Patron’s Palace. The city was vibrant and full of people trying to live happily. It made him feel sick. Pretending to have this farce of a happy life as things literally were wrong. No one was dying. There was no new lives. The cycle had been broken and furthermore their leader was dead. The resentment was something new to him but it was either that or the guilt and pain. He held his gladius in his hand and looked out into the horizon.

It wasn’t much and it would be dangerous, but the chaos was the only place that could hold any answers. While Yusnaan was safe from the chaos for now it was only a matter of time before it would began invading the city anyway. He sucked in an angry breath. Serah would be angry with him. But Hope had been right. They weren’t people who could sit back and do nothing. Nearly everyone was doing something, even if it was what had once been termed ‘boring work.’ Ruling over cities, searching for answers and preparing for the battle to come.

Nothing that Noel had been able to do so far. At first, waking up had been hard. Horrible even. Remembering all the time he’d spent with Hope, falling in love and experiencing things he hadn’t even thought he’d live long enough to know about had been hard. And afterwards when Snow had made the deal with the Fal’cie… Noel’s skills came from a much more primitive word. While he understood so much in theory, there was not much he could apply to actual life. To the building of a new life.

He was a man of action. A good leader but only of small groups and units. He wanted, no he needed something to do other then to drown in the grief. He wasn’t afraid of the outside world like the others were. He might not have had the same powers as Lightning but he had all the training that Caius had given him and he had, absolutely had to do something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also... Sorry for the lack of Hope! But please remember that particular his part of the storyline does feature torture and I do not want to cause too many problems for people who need the heads up or don't want to read it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the late update. A brief story... The rainy season has started in Tokyo... and I got trapped in the middle of no where in a really bad storm about a week ago because of a train accident. And thus sick.
> 
> But anyways. Hope centric chapter!

Hope weakly opened his eyes. It was a dull kind of reflex. He had been sleeping or at least unconscious for a time. While he had no real concept of time, Bhunivelze had told him that he had been with the god for around 50 years now. According to the God, it would take much more time then that. Hope didn't think time moved in this place though. Or at least not in a way he could track. In this place he was sure that God controlled everything. If he remembered that Bhunivelze had said that it would take another 100 years to make him perfect. Whatever that meant.

Feeling a little bit better. According to the weird calendar thing that Bhunivelze was using to taunt him it had been at least a week since the other had begun to withhold nourishment from him. He wouldn't call it food but whatever it was diminished the feelings of hunger and thirst and with that gone, it was now constantly on his mind. He sat up slowly, he body felt unusual. Looking down he realized that he was back in his original body again.

Dread coursed through his veins at that. Whatever Bhunivelze was doing to try and make him retain the shape that he preferred the mage to be in was probably the worst of all the torment. But for some reason it still wasn't permanent. He had really thought that it had taken this time, lasting much longer then the other times. Stretching his body gingerly, he wasn't in pain right now but he never knew what would trigger it.

He could feel the presence of the God. After he never went away, it was his space. He looked down at his body and felt even more uncomfortable, the bloodless gashes the covered his nearly nude body were disconcerting and he turned his face away from it to look into the endless darkness that existed around him. For being trapped by the God of Light, he was often trapped in darkness and other forms of sensory depravation.

"I guess I underestimated how difficult transformation would be on a human body… but I do need you alive." The voice murmured and Hope turned his head to face that direction. "You're imperfections pain me greatly but your promise and potential are so great."

"Why me?" Hope asked bitterly, something he was sure he'd said before. This time though God laughed.

"You are the greatest… Their brightest and yet you never realized. Within humans is their curse. The chaos. And it is something that I can barely co-exist with. So I slept and I acclimated myself to be able to deal with as much chaos as I could. Sadly it was not much…"

"I don't…" Hope coughed from his horribly dry throat. "I don't understand."

"The things that come from chaos are you humans and the monsters. But my perfect beings and those that come from crystal come from me." If the God, no monster before him could smile he surely would. He thought of the Fal'cie that he and Noel had defeated. He thought of the others that he had killed during his original journey. He thought of the Puslian armories aboard the Ark. And then it clicked.

"My ability… to talk to machines comes from you?" He asked his eyes wide.

"Yes. Through out your pitiful life, and the pitfall lives of many other humans… A shard of myself was there. Sleeping, getting use to the chaos. But you for some reason was the first to be able to access it. The accumulation of all of what I had placed onto the world. And not only did you someone how gain it all… You managed to use it in concert with the powers of chaos."

"Which makes me the perfect host." Hope stated bitterly as he looked away. "In my body is a bitter harmony between chaos and light that shouldn't even exist."

"But it should exist!" The God practically crowed. "I've been waiting a long time for this to happen. For this to mature into a bond that I could use. You will be the perfect tool."

Hope licked his lips and considered his options. There was no way to kill himself and he could feel the things that made him who he was wavering. But still, Bhunivelze had not yet been able to affect the parts of him that were steeped deeply in his emotional investments. It was really all that he had.

_The air was thick. And more so uncomfortable. He was by himself and he couldn't feel the presence of Bhunivelze. The man felt nervous. There was no way he could have escaped a god. He sat up slowly and looked around. The place he was at looked remarkably like his apartment back in 400AF. He moved over to the side and stood up. The floor was cold on his feet and he shivered. He moved slowly, cautiously and exited the room._

_Outside were things that he'd never expected. The apartment was quiet, obviously early morning. He itched for his boomerang or at least his magic but knew that none of that was within his reach. Everything looked exactly the way that he remembered it. Expect the photos. Instead of the usual photos. His family portrait was sitting in its usual place but beside it were many other pictures. Pictures of Lightning, and the others but also pictures of Noel. Pictures of him and Noel together._

_Before him was a line of pictures that showed a happily life, but also a life he hadn't lived. He picked up one that spoke to him in particularly. He was leaning into Noel and it was sunset. It looked like New Bodhum behind them. On Noel's face was a smile that he'd seen maybe once or twice. Soft and almost shy as he curled his arm around Hope. It made him wonder what the story behind such a picture was. Noel only wore that smile when he was particularly pleased about Hope's reaction to something he really wanted._

_"Hope… what are you doing in here?" It was Vanille's voice and she was stretching as she walked out from some unforeseen room. Maybe a guest room? When she saw what photo he was holding, her face fell and immediately came closer and grasped his hands around the photo. "You should really be in bed you know."_

_"What are you talking about?" He asked quietly and she bit her lip, seemingly hesitant to respond to him. Finally she moved to take the photo from his hand but he found himself tightening his hands around the photo._

_"Please Hope… don't do this. They wouldn't want this." She tried as she moved to take the photo from him again._

_"Who? What are you talking about?" He asked again and Vanille shook her head._

_"Don't do this Hope! You can't just block out the accident to make yourself feel better." She was beginning to act in a way wholly uncharacteristic for Vanille. "The tunnel collapsed and they are all dead. There's just us and you better get use to it. I can't do this without you!"_

_Hope's throat closed up. Was this reality? That can't be right. He tried to search his memories for what he remembered last. He tightened his grip on the photo. The last time he'd seen that smile on Noel face was when they had rekindled their relationship after he had lost a good portion of his memories. These photos were important._

_"You aren't Vanille." He replied confidently as he stared up at her. "And this isn't real."_

_"Denying reality won't help anyone." Vanille replied as she reached for the photo again. Hope stood up and moved back towards the bedroom._

_"I don't know who you are or what this is. And I don't care." Hope grabbed another photo this one of everyone together. Something that had never had happened but just as familiar feeling as the one he'd already taken. "But I know that this has to do with him and I won't fall for it!"_

_"You would really deny God? You poor thing."_

Hope jerked awake with a gasp of pain as if something had slammed into his chest. He hands clenched and unclenched as if searching for those pictures. The keys to his emotions and memories. He swallowed hard and stared up at the dark sky.

"This is proven more difficult then I thought. Pain was a sufficient lesson for Pulse and Lindzei." Bhunivelze seemed almost troubled.

"I won't… You can't take these things away from me." Hope claimed as he sat up, slowly, gingerly. "I won't let you."

"You're form disgusts me. I guess we should work on the physical a while before we trying taming your chaos again."

The painful tearing sensation started again and Hope closed his eyes to it. He bit into his own lip to try and keep from screaming. It felt as if his limbs were slowly being ripped off. He tried to flex his fingers but all he managed to do was spark more pain into his being.

As his threshold for remaining conscious was reached and passed he moaned in pain and thought gingerly of that photo of himself and Noel. That quiet sweet smile. Even though the pain he forced himself to focus all that he could on it. All he wanted was to see Noel again. He would give anything.

* * *

When Hope became conscious to himself again he was in his fourteen year old body again. He wept in relief as he saw that the handkerchief tied around his neck was still the wrong color. It had come to represent to him that there were parts of himself that still belonged to him. He gingerly sat up and looked around. Bhunivelze hadn't revealed himself yet but it was only a matter of time.

"I know you're there." Hope finally spoke, his patience was worn thin. "You are no god! You're a monster! There are people suffering on the world below. People who need you to be their god! And yet you sit here perversely experimenting on me to some useless end. Whatever it is. I won't help you. You disgust me and you will never understand me either."

There was a low chuckle as Bhunivelze considered his minor rant. Hope knew that he had basically been shouting into the void for all that it would do to help him. But he hadn't expected the God to react so calmly. He had lately been reacting with rage and swift punishment. Hope was lifted up by his arms. As thin wires of light wrapped around his wrist and tugged him up.

"My, my… You still don't get the grace of the divine. Here and now you are helping your brethren." Bhunivelze murmured as his large hand came up and cupped Hope's body to study it. "The Fal'cie were horribly imperfect creations… And you all were unfortunately created with no real design other then to be l'cie and puppets. Such a waste."

"It's not a waste! We create our own destinies!" Hope growled and the light pulled taunt. It hurt and he resisted the urge to cry out in pain.

"You my lovely hybrid. Are to be the prototype of the new humanity that will exist in the new world. You're purification will allow me to create the new humans. Humans that share in my consciousness, that shall be perfect. Perfect beings for a perfect world."

"NO!" Hope began to struggle in earnest. He knew that he'd never actually be able to escape but all that he worked for. His entire life work, the reason that he had traveled to the future and abandoned everything that he knew and loved. This God planned to squander everything he believed in. "I won't let you! I won't! I—"

His words were cut off as pain that seemed unimaginable coursed through him. He had pushed too much this time maybe? Did it really matter? He couldn't hold back the screams of pain, he couldn't conjure the image of Noel and the others in his mind. There was nothing but the pain.

* * *

Hope woke quickly, his body sore and bloody. He wasn't in the dark place anymore. Or maybe he was and it was just different now. In the direction that was most likely up was a distant star. It was small and a bluish green, like a cure spell that had been stilled. He reached his hand up for it slowly. Maybe it was something that could give him the smallest shred of relief. Instead the star only seemed further and further away.

"I've pushed your consciousness too far. Relish this break in your training."

_This time when Hope woke up in his apartment in 400AF he was ready for the manipulation. But instead there was nothing. This place he'd come to understand, was his own headspace. A 'physical' manifestation that was created inside his head to represent his mind. It was comforting to move around the place and see the photos of his family and friends. Even if they were false, phantoms of things that would never happen._

_He was alone but he didn't mind. He got up slowly and shrugged on a robe and headed out into the living room where the pictures were. He knelt in front of the coffee table and reached for the two pictures that had saved him last time. Noel's soft little smile. And the picture of them all together. He looked at the other pictures and found a little smile crossing his face._

_All the pictures were beautiful he thought as he gingerly touched them. There was one though, that warmed his heart in a way that he hadn't thought he'd feel again. It was a family portrait but not the same one from his youth. In this one, his mother was sitting down and he was standing at her shoulder. His hands were on her shoulder and she had reached one up to cover his. At her other shoulder was his father, standing prim and proper but with that wistful expression that he often wore after those terrible events with Cocoon. But what made Hope feel so happy. Was that on his other side was Noel. Noel unfortunately dressed in Cocoonian clothes. He looked horribly uncomfortable. But he was smiling, his arm wrapped around Hope's waist like an adoring partner. A strange Pulsian locket was around his neck. Open and he could sort of see the silhouette of an older woman. Maybe his grandmother that Noel was fond of talking about._

_Hope felt tears falling down his cheeks. For the first time in a long time not of pain or sorrow. He felt happy? Was that what this feeling was? Sure the photo was fake but it was the sentiment. The idea of seeing his immediate family all together in mundane portrait. It gave him courage to face the pain that he knew was coming._

When Hope woke up again, he had a new resolve to fight. Bhunivelze regarded him carefully and then sighed deeply. He seemed troubled by Hope's reactions. He lifted Hope up and placed him inside of what seemed like a box. When the lid shut, Hope felt nervousness set in. Curling up into a corner he waited for the box to open.

Little did he knew that it would be closed for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the random format change? Changeish? I copied this in html format this time and well... it probably looks a little bit better then the other formatting even though it's a small change...


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no seeish? I've been working 6 days a week all this month and that has been rather miserable... But oh well. Finally time off this week. I'mma try to get the bulk of this story posted over the next week so expect at least 2-4 more updates this week.

Snow couldn't help but feel deeply troubled. Serah had been showing signs of increased chaos control? Compatibility? Whatever the hell it was, it most certainly spelled trouble. At least it would soon. Right now it was useful as she was able to direct the chaos away from the city. At least for now. She also occasionally heard voices but he found that it was nothing of concern as the voices were connected with the chaos armies. Mostly sealed away with in the jagged crystals that existed thankfully far away from Yusnaan.

But it was all really a means to distract himself. The people of Yusnaan had picked him to be the leader. Chosen him as if he was a worthy leader. The successor to Hope. He knew he was woefully inadequate but Serah had promised to support him. And furthermore, he'd realized with a pang of guilt it was all he could do for the boy. Years and years and years ago he'd promised his mother to protect him. And he'd done a piss poor job of that.

That wasn't to say that Hope couldn't take care of himself. But you couldn't watch your own back all of the time. And the one time that Hope had truly needed backup, Snow had left him hanging. He didn't wanted to break another promise. Hope had valued their family more then anyone else and Snow had saw that as his way to be redeemed. But he'd nearly squandered that all away too. They had separated. To the different ends of the habitable world but they all had a common goal. They all sort of stayed in touch. He had insisted.

And was damn proud of himself for it. The more he looked over Yusnaan and watched people lose touch with their bonds, the more the world wore on them and their weary hearts. He might be the one to attempt to protect a city. But honestly all the hard parts were done by Pandaemonium. A rather strange Fal'cie it could convert chaos into food.

Snow learned not to question it. More importantly as long as he protected the cursed thing, it kept providing humanity with a way to continue on. Which was more then he could ask for. Fal'cie were fickle creatures and sometimes when he sat in it's presence, Snow couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor bastard. An endangered species that could only follow it's directive from a God that had abandoned it. It was a shitty existence.

Then again they'd all been abandoned by God.

"Snow?" The voice brought him back to the present and also into lighter spirits. Serah, his constant and touch stone was standing in the door way with Mog floating over her shoulder. Even now she was stunning, although she made some of the palace residents nervous. Serah was… covered in spectral flares at time. Her ability to control chaos on display for all to see.

The only other person he'd seen like that was Vanille and Fang had had a heart attack and a half when it had manifested.

"Is something wrong?" He asked as he stood up carefully. Serah was supposed to be on the other side of the city overseeing the trading with Luxerion, the city of ingrates.

"I'm all finished for the day. I thought we could talk… about Noel?" Her voice was hushed and he knew what she was getting at. They'd both tried, with limited success to talk to Noel. About staying, about helping out. Snow needed an army and he'd wanted Noel to be the leader. He couldn't trust the people of Luxerion, they thought he was a heretic for allying with the Fal'cie to keep the world going.

Which was rich considering that was precisely why those bastards traded goods with them. The gods had abandoned them. And even if they hadn't… Pandemonium was just as much their servant as those pompous bastards. They were just made that he was chosen and not one of them. Couldn't just let those assholes control everything. It'd be Cocoon all over again.

"You're lost in your thoughts again. That's not good you know." Serah murmured as she sat down beside him.

"Can't help it…" Snow stared at his clasped hands. Somewhere under there was his Pulse l'cie brand. His death sentence. Everything seemed to have gone so wrong so fast without Hope around. It didn't make sense that with one man gone that everything went to hell.

"Noel said that he's leaving in the morning." Serah finally bit out frustrated. "We should stop him."

"No." Snow took her hand and held it gently. "Stopping him with get us nowhere. He has no interest in this world. Too much has been taken from him."

"We're still here!" she pleaded with him and Snow shook his head.

"There is a guilt in Noel that I understand all to well." Snow kissed the side of her head and pulled her close. "He can't… he won't mourn Hope and he won't back down. I was like that when you were crystal."

She opened her mouth and he shook his head. He was weary, world weary really. He wanted nothing more then to lay down and sleep until the end. "Without you here… I probably wouldn't be much better. He needs time and also to feel like he's doing something. Let him go searching. Tell Lightning to inform the others so that he has help among them."

"I… I understand." She kissed his temple. Everything was dying, even their relationship, she thought miserably. This eternal world was simply too much. For everyone.

* * *

Noel didn't felt the slightest bit of guilt about his lie to Serah as he gathered up his rucksack and moved silently through the halls. Nearly everyone would be at one of the many parties that the people insisted the Patron have. A city dancing it's way to the end of the world. Noel snorted. As if that was such a way to do things. This was his second time at the end of days. And no way would he wait around when there had to still be things he could do.

As he walked outside the city gates he allowed himself to breath a bit easier. Humans inhabited four areas of this changed world. Yusnaan which he just left. Luxerion which was a mess and a half full of lunatics who referenced a God he didn't care about. The Dead Dunes were only good for treasure hunting and the Wildlands were where all the smart people went. Surrounding this deadly new world was sea of Chaos. Where the monsters came from.

The best place to look was the Wildlands. There, was where most of the benevolent chaos still existed. Those beings of chaos that had fought in Etro's army had settled there and often times protected the area from being attacked in the way that other areas had. If Hope was dead… His soul would be there. After that, he wasn't sure of what he would do.

* * *

The wildlands was still a beautiful area to Noel as he wandered through dense forest and brush. He'd moved away from where the villages were and heading deeper and deeper into the woods. He wasn't sure of what he was searching for, but he made the villagers nervous. Around him had layered soft wisps of chaos. Usually a sign of danger even in a place like this where chaos was usually benign. Not that it mattered. The thought of being alone was rather welcome.

He sat down at his small camp sight with a few small pieces of game to clean when chaos manifested in front of him in the form of a woman. He startled badly, dropping his tools. Chaos, those that were souls rarely manifested as people. And this woman looked strangely familiar. Her eyes were gently and green even in the sickly black haze. Hope's eyes, he realized with a choked gasp.

"You won't find him here." Her voice was ethereal. She was Nora Esthiem and yet not because the soul dissolved into chaos to be reborn and she'd been dead an awfully long time. She should have undergone several lifetimes. "The chaos holds no answers for you."

"I can't just quit." He growled back and she nodded thoughtfully and then her features relaxed and became more human.

"You love my son." Her words were kind but sorrowful. "My brave little boy is no longer on this world at all."

"That can't be right!" Noel gasped as he leaned forward. "There's no where else to go!"

"There is one other place." She corrected him and pointed to the sky. "The two worlds have merged. God will return in over a hundred years now. The chaos knows what the Goddess once knew. It will take over a hundred years to make the a new world. And then this one will end. Everyone knows it… They can all feel it. The great ending."

"I don't care about that!"

"The chaos is of Etro… Something that God will not want. He will need a hero and he will need a guide." Her face became impossibly sad. "Hope will be the guide. The world will trust him. And they will follow him into the new world."

"Then he should be here! Guiding the world!" Noel protested and she shook her head.

"Do you remember? The Ark? Hope's Ark?" She pointed to the sky again. "It is the vessel in which humanity will travel to the new world. Hope is there."

"Then I will go there." He stood up but she shook her head yet again. Noel found himself getting more and more frustrated. He sat back down with a loud thump and glared at her. She lifted her hands and images appeared in the chaos much like a oracle drive.

"Everyone has a purpose. Those in Lexerion are attempting to thwart Etro's work. Without this… The souls of those already departed cannot pass to the new world. Do this for me… for my son. Save everyone."

Noel looked away from her bitterly. Of course, there was always something else to do. He growled lowly. He wanted to refuse her but if what she said was true, he knew he also couldn't face Hope is there was a chance that he could save people. Glaring at the spirit he looked away and thought about it. If what the spirit said was true, then searching was fruitless to say the least. It would probably be better to go back to Yusnaan and help Snow throw parties.

"The leaders of Luxerion are more dangerous then you think." Nora spoke again but she could see the way his face had closed off to her. She sighed deeply and began to fade. "I want to help you… And help my son. When you are ready to listen to what I have to say… Just call for me."

"Don't hold your breath." Noel grouched as he shifted his gaze back down to his tools and picked them up. He had no desire to deal with this anymore and he pushed himself forward. And began to cook his dinner. In no way was he going to submit himself to what the powers that be wanted again.

* * *

Noel knocked on the door of the chocobo ranch that Sazh and Dajh lived on. He didn't visit them often but he felt he needed advice. Last night, he had dreamed of Hope. Not only dreamed of him but had a desire to do something. Anything that would help. He wasn't sure what it had meant. He had left Yusnaan because he couldn't stand the atmosphere. And to be around people was to be depressing. Although it was taking far longer then it did back in his home time… People were dying, there were no births. Just more and more death.

And he'd been irrational scared. He was still the last human ever born. They hadn't changed the future in a way to remedy that. Honestly, not he was just a paradox forced to watch the world fade all over again. Sazh answered the door with a frown on his face. When he saw Noel he sighed deeply and gestured him in.

"I thought you were Lightning again for a second. That girl is fixin' to give me a heart attack." He grumbled as he put on water for tea.

"What would she be doing out here?" The brunette asked as he sat down at the sparse table.

"Just lots of bad news. No leads on Hope. There was a chaos attack on Yusnaan. Don't worry though. Snow's l'cie powers save the day that fool." Sazh sat down with the tea and looked much older then his years. "Things are getting bad Noel. And they are going to be bad for a long time."

That caused the hunter to sit up. His senses felt more alert and he gestured for the other to continue.

"There's rumors of God coming back. Of preparing for God to come back. Those nutjobs have fully taken over Luxerion although others are trying to fight back. Accordin' to Light they believe that Yusnaan is fully of heretics and are threatening their survival because they control the Fal'cie. A war might be brewing."

"That war was brewing before I left." Noel waved it away but Sazh shook his head.

"It keeps deeper still. They are kidnapping those who show chaos power. Like Serah and Vanille… Well obviously they hadn't gotten ahold of those two. But… A prophecy has come about."

"A prophecy? Did they find an oracle drive?"

"Don't know." He shrugged. "But it has been said that they can connect to the souls… The ones trapped in the chaos. Don't know what's those loonies want someone like that for. But it's got Snow antsy." He took at a long drink from his tea. "Got me nervous too. If they attack Yusnaan who knows what they'll do next if they've lost their fear of Snow."

"Sounds bad." Noel admitted and Sazh sighed deeply. "At least Dajh doesn't have to see this mess."

Dajh, had in the past five years succumbed to one of the many strange 'infections' that existed around the world. Unconscious but not dying, and not sick. He lay in bed for years. He awoke every few years for maybe a few hours to a day at a time. It was nerve wracking. And impossible to know when would be the last time the poor child awoke. The lines on Sazh's face show that even just being at the beginning of this trying disease was worrying.

"Lightning said she was going to tie up some more loose ends with us and then go to Etro. She was sure that there she could find a way to… I don't know. Figure out something about Hope. She said that it was the only place she could think of to get answers. But I guess time moves differently there and we might not see her for years and years if she goes to the throne."

"Good for her." Noel replied. "Etro's been such a great help in the past two hundred and something years. I won't hold my breath."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update of the week in celebration of my root canal. Man, stuff I never want to do again.
> 
> random tmi: I was in so much pain during the process that the dentist gave me a temporary filling and we took a lunch break. (i have so many dental horror stories it's ridic.)

Noel had stayed in the Wildlands for nearly 100 years now. It felt kind of like madness had set in as he pushed out the world and focused only on surviving. He probably wouldn't have realized that it had been so long if Sazh hadn't come looking for him. Right now the older man was sitting across from him at the fire pit glaring down at the fire with bad memories. He'd come with news and none of it was good. Noel had wanted to yell, to tell him to leave. If he had to go back to society, to the world. He'd have to face up that Hope was gone. That what Nora and the chaos had told him was real. He didn't want to deal with any of this.

"I know… That this is your form of coping." Sazh started out quietly as he finally broke the silence. "But they need you. So much is happening and I…"

"I'm not going back." The younger man shook his head and moved to stand but Sazh gave him such a pleading look that he sat back down.

"Please." Sazh finally said. "Everything is getting worse. Serah as been seeing visions again and Etro basically told Lightning that humanity is on their own. Those syncopates in Luxerion have… Cults have sprung up that are more dangerous then we initially thought. One in particular worships the head honcho and it's not good."

"What do you mean not good?" Noel asked as he felt his mind racing back to what Nora had said. Even in 100 years it had kept surfacing back up in his mind.

"Apparently tablets and other things from: The God of Light have appeared. Real things… Lightning managed to get a hold of them and well. Really not good. They want to destroy not only the chaos… but also the souls that dwell within it. Supposedly it's the will of that God."

Noel felt his throat close up. In the chaos was well. Everything once you discounted the thick miasma that brought horrific monsters and death. The souls of innocents was there. The only way for new life to happen.

"According to Etro… Those that composed the corrupted chaos are what's wrong. But Bhunivelze wants to destroy any and everything related to Etro and to the original creator." Sazh took a deep and weak breath. "We have to stop Luxerion and we can't without you. The key to destroying the chaos… All the chaos lies with Serah and Vanille and others who can control the chaos to a great extent."

"Which also means the last soul of Yuel." Noel chewed roughly on his bottom lip. So many people in danger and while part of him knew that he could not stay here in the woods and pretend none of this existed. The want within him was so strong. "Any news about Hope?"

"Still nothing." Sazh shook his head. "Poor kid. He's not dead… but I guess he's not alive either."

Noel took a deep breath. He need to talk to Nora. "Fine. Where is Lightning right now? I'll go meet up with Lightning in The Dead Dunes. I'll be able to get there faster."

"I'll send out the cable." Sazh stood up. "According to Light's intel we have another fifty to a hundred years before the end of the world actually comes. Either way it all looks like shit."

"You sound so positive." Noel swallowed hard. "If the end is coming guess I can't just hide anymore."

It wasn't too long after Sazh left that Nora showed up again. She sat in the place that the older man once sat and regarded him with sad eyes. Noel took a deep breath. "I told Sazh that I would go to The Dead Dunes and meet up with Lightning.'

"That's good." Her voice was still that soft motherly tone. "After that you should go to Luxerion. Sazh's words about the cult ring true and it's dangerous."

"Even if the cult could achieve it's aim—"

"Hope is being tortured on that Ark." Her voice was almost bland and she stated those words, Noel flinched hard, his pulse suddenly racing. He shook his head in denial and stood up. Even if God had Hope like everyone was telling him, what was the point of that? Why even tell him such a thing without proof? "He will be the prototype of the new humanity. If you can stop the people of Luxerion from removing the chaos of our souls then you can still save him. Please. You must do this." She pleaded as if Noel could possibly say no.

* * *

Noel's least favorite place in this strange new world was The Dead Dunes. Much too like 700AF with too much sun and the ruins of their old world. He stormed across the hot sand towards the checkpoint that Sazh had informed him of. When he was close to the check point he spotted pink hair and took a deep breath. After this was Luxerion. He had talked to the chaos that made Nora again and she had promised to help him if he went to Luxerion.

Which just made him more uncomfortable. Finally meeting up with the Goddess' champion he took a deep breath as she scowled at him. Nothing was said for a long moment as Noel had gotten use to silence and Lightning wasn't one for talking and then finally she spoke.

"Did you find what you were looking for out there?" Noel shook his head in response and she kept on walking. "Etro told me that Hope is on the Ark. The Ark that he built. Bhunivelze cleared it of people so that he could use it to purify souls."

"Sounds like something a god would do." Noel stated with a shrug. Lightning sighed and gestured towards the road..

"Let's go meet up with Fang." Lightning turned around and lead the way deeper into the dunes.

It was a long walk to the bandits' base. As they walked Lightning saw it fit to talk, to catch Noel up with the problems at hand.

"I don't know how much Sazh told you." She started quietly.

Noel shrugged even though she couldn't see it. "Everything's wrong. Hope's still missing and no one knows what the hell the chaos is doing."

"Sounds about right." Lightning flashed a look back at him. "The problem is now Luxerion… They are after Serah. The city has been taken over by the largest of the cults. They call themselves The Order of Salvation. A woman has become a figure head. They call her the High Priestess. Honestly, her mental faculties leave much to be desired."

Noel barked a bitter laugh and rolled his eyes. "I'm pretty sure that we've all been alive an extra 3-400 years too long Lightning. I highly doubt any of us are sane anymore."

"The comforts of a false prophet are one thing." Lightning took a sharp right and led him deeper into hot desert sands that made him miss the Wildlands more then anything. "But this cult is more dangerous then you can imagine. They were the ones passed the Holy Relics of Bhunivelze. The ability to destroy souls."

"Oh… crazy and the ability to destroy the world. That is a shitty combination." Noel replied as he shook his head. "I think I'll just go back to the Wildlands."

"Nope." Lightning turned to look at him. "I have a task for you. Among the cults there is another one. Called the Children of Etro."

"Met a few of 'em. They aren't too bad. They sit around and wait to die… Wanting nothing to do with Bhunivelze and hoping to reunite with Etro." Noel shrugged but Lightning shook her head.

"Maybe in the Wildlands they are docile little sheep but in Luxerion they are highly dangerous. They have a bad habit of murdering innocents. Especially non-believer innocents." She paused and then turned to look at them. "Especially if they have pink hair. It is said that they have an oracle drive."

"Oracle drives shouldn't even work anymore." Noel shook his head but Lightning's sharp glare stopped him.

"I don't think it's a true Oracle Drive. But I do believe it is showing them a vision. The only problem is I don't know what they mean by 'pink hair.' Is it me? Serah? I mean Serah makes sense since they directly opposed the Order or Salvation. Killing the person that they think can fulfill their wish makes sense."

"And let me guess? It only gets worse." Noel muttered as they arrived at a transport. Getting onboard he sat grumpily as Lightning drove.

"You have no idea." Lightning replied. "About a fortnight ago The Order's grunts started snooping around the ruins. They are looking for something that is in the ruins… a god relic. Something that I'm guessing is tied to the Soulsong."

"And that leaves me wondering what you want from me."

"I think you'll understand soon."

* * *

The bandits hideout reminded Noel of his own time. The desert landscaped and the makeshift tent-like homes. He swallowed down the homesickness with a rather bland face and followed Lightning off the transport and towards the largest of the structures. Inside was Vanille who looked rather upset as she studied maps. Looking up at the visitors she jumped up with a smile.

"Long time no see! It's good to have both of you back in contact you know." She spoke as she pushed bright hair out of her face. "Fang is out right now strengthening the robots in the ruins to continue searching and spying for us."

"I thought you guys were supposed to be scavenging the ruins for things that would be useful to society?" Noel asked as he sat down abruptly near the entrance. Lightning being the calmer of the two moved in further and sat down next to the Pulsian girl.

"We were but then we started finding other things." She lifted up a data pad and up flew imagines that Noel found vaguely familiar. "Inside the ruins is a temple to the gods. Inside it explains the roles of Lindzei, Pulse and Etro under Bhunivelze. It also explains why Bhunivelze is going to awaken."

"Meaning what?" Lightning asked as she crossed her arms.

"Meaning that we can't stop the world from ending. The chaos that creates the sea is not the same as the chaos that exists in our hearts. It's only goal is to destroy that which hurts it. And that would be the world. Bhunivelze will have already awakened and started to construct a new world. And then he fell back asleep until the end of days."

"Meaning what?" Lighting asked quietly.

"Meaning that when the guide appears we will only have thirteen days left. There is mention of a savior but those tablets have been worn with time or The Order has them. Because the Order knows of the Savior and eagerly awaits her." Vanille paused and took a deep breath. "And it stands to mean that the guide is Hope."

"No." It bubbled up out of Noel's mouth before he even thought it. He clenched his hands and forced his breath to calm and his mind to empty. "Hope wouldn't do that."

"It's not a matter of can." Vanille bit her lip roughly as she watched Noel tense even more. "This is God we are talking about. There is nothing that we can do to refuse him as we are now." She browed her head and placed her hands in a prayer position. "The guide is to be the brightest of humans. One that can commune with the creations of Etro and Bhunivelze alike."

"His ability to talk to machines." Lightning stated and Vanille nodded. "So all his life… Hope has been a walking time bomb."

"But that doesn't make sense!" Noel shouted and Lightning shook her head.

"It does though. The power must have been passed through Hope's ancestors…or maybe the silver hair is a mark of God's influence. No one would have known… Not even the Fal'cie or they wouldn't have hunted him the way he did. Remember we only have access to this information because God allows it in this strange crumbling world."

Noel bit his lip roughly. Lightning was right. All along, the bright colored hair that he cherished. That made Hope stand out in a room. The man had claimed that he got it from his mother, although her hair hadn't been as bright as his own. Noel recalled vaguely that no one at the end of days had had silver hair. Hope was probably the last person to bear Bhunivelze's mark so strongly. He choked on his breath at the thought.

"How common was silver hair in your time?" He asked quietly.

"Not very common. But neither was pink hair either." Lightning commented as she lifted up her own hair. "Common enough to not make Hope stick out too much if that's what you are thinking. Honestly that much power would have had to have traces of the sou in a lot of people. I'm guessing that it all must have been absorbed by Hope over time."

"Due to doucheface's influence." Noel bit off and Vanille giggled slightly covering her hand.

"You've been around Snow." She asked quietly.

"Sazh actually… Although I guess that is a more Snow-like thing to say." Noel grumped.

"More importantly." Vanille coughed lightly. "Is this." She lifted her hands and dark wisps began to form around her hands. "My ability to control the chaos has increased. I have well… A very high compatibility now. I fear that Serah is the same. The last update we got said that she was seeing visions of the future. Visions that confirm my fears about Hope."

"She can see the future?" Noel felt himself choke up. Had they not saved her? He could never forgive himself if that was the case.

"These are imagines she sees through the chaos… Not Etro's eyes. Those have been taken back." Lightning explained though her face was no less grim. "It's the manifestation of her chaos powers."

"On the other hand." Vanille replied. "I can hear the voices or the dead. I can promise you that Hope isn't among them. Though two spirits have found it fit to follow you Noel."

"Two?"

"Nora and Bartholomew Esthiem. Hope's parents." The younger woman swallowed hard. She had witnessed the death of one but not the other, but there was a lasting guilt that she couldn't help. The silence that settled on them were uncomfortable and Noel looked towards the exit.

While only Nora dared to talk to him it was still an uncomfortable happening. The things that Nora wanted him to do, honestly didn't agree with him and he really didn't want to deal with the things that were happening now. Hope was honestly his only motivation anymore and even that was slipping through his fingers. Gone but not dead. Held in God's grip and everyone was constantly telling him that there was nothing he could do but sit back and wait until the man he loved came to herald the end of the world as a puppet for God.

"That's beside the point." He finally spoke up. "Every time you come to me, you tell me that I have to do something that I have to help. It always seems to be a black hole of nothing. What can I do and what is even going to happen to us?"

"I want you to go to Luxerion." Fang's voice spoke up from the doorway and they all jumped not hearing the tall warrior enter. "The Order is not only searching for the relics of God but they have started to become corrupt. They are stirring the drums of war with Yusnaan which means that the delivery of supplies is being interrupted and weakened. The fat spoiled bastards at the top take all the goods and the people are starving."

"And what dos that mean to me?" Noel asked calmly.

"I figured that you want to cause some damage." The dark haired woman explained. "The thing that we have to combat among ourselves is the grief. The things that render us incapable of fighting. And for your it's your grief."

"So what? Am I not allowed to grieve. Like you I lost everything… Well I guess you didn't lose everything." Noel growled at her as he pointedly gestured to Vanille. "I'll grieve anyway I damn well want to."

Fang gestured the other two to leave. Noel was stubborn man and he had been hard to get through to after Hope had been taken. Serah and Snow had been able to for a while. Those left that were closest to him and could navigate his defenses. Fang was another person. The two of them had instantly clicked like long lost family. She sat down across from him once they were gone.

"I'm not questioning your grief." Fang murmured as she gather up Vanille's things. "I want you to grieve. I want you to take that pain and turn it into the strength that you will use to take Hope back from God. I've been studying the scriptures. The ruins and the tablets. Our greatest enemy is coming. And all of us are needed for the fight."

Noel rolled his eyes. This was nothing new to him and he moved to stand but Fang halted him. "The Order of Salvation is the most affected by God. Should he see fit to communicate with us lowly humans it will be through them. And his voice will be of Hope's. If you are in Luxerion you stand the best chance to figure out a way to get Hope back."

"But that's not why you want me to go there." Noel stated tiredly as he felt the fight leave him, remembering what Nora had asked of him.

"The people of Luxerion need a guardian. And that guardian should be you. The scriptures and other crap talk about a Shadow Hunter. A man of blue who will challenge the Savior. Of course according to God this man will be saved and come to his side. But I believe that if you become this man you will be in the place to not only stop the Savior from being God's pawn but also save Hope."

"Still haven't convinced me." Noel grumbled as he glared at her.

"These people need you. There is another cult within Lexerion… The Children of Etro… Who are waiting for the Shadow Hunter to come and help them."

"Those violent lunatics?! You want me to help them kill people out of their misguided bullshit—"

Fang shook her head sadly. "We do what we have to do. You can stopping their killing. Right now they've begun to target pink haired women. As the tablets have said the savior will have pink hair."

"You are thinking Lightning." Noel replied suddenly understanding why Fang sent the other two women away.

"Lightning still has the powers of a God's champion. And with Etro weakening by the day… It makes sense that Bhunivelze would take advantage of that. Better to have Lightning as his soldier then against him with the powers of a demigoddess." Fang sighed deeply. "The others only look at what's in front of them. And I admit that I use to be the same way. Even now I will do anything to ensure Vanille's safety. But the loss of Hope… The destruction of the world we once had… has taught me that I have to start looking at the long game. Or none of my family will survive."

Noel swallowed hard. The look on Fang's face was heartbreaking and Noel knew that it took a lot for the proud woman to lower her pride and show the fear that existed inside her. He nodded weakly. In the face of her pain and the knowledge that she had been keeping from the others. Her desire to protect them all to the best of her ability.

Even now he knew that in the morning he would be heading to Luxerion.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the next chapter. Just a small heads up... my mother is doing badly and thus I might have to make an international flight soon... So the updates might get really bad for a while...

Serah didn't know what to say when she awoke from her vision. A man who was awash in light had been watching her. She wasn't sure of wha that meant. When she had received the first vision she had been scared. After all they'd done to rid her of the eyes of Etro, she honestly didn't want to even entertain the thought. And yet she couldn't help it at first. But the visions never really changed. They also never really changed. A man surround by light and a small boy would often scream in pain.

At times she had glimpsed Hope staring up into an abyss staring idly forward. His eyes were sad. She swallowed hard as she thought about what any of that could mean. She wanted to tell someone but had a feeling that it would cause more trouble then help. The visions much like the one's she'd received from Etro explained nothing and gave her no clues to solve any of their current crisis.

Especially now that Lightning was back. Her increased chaos powers were yes, a cause for worry, but her sister of course had overblown everything yet again. She loved her sister but Lightning could be so over the top worrying about her. She could take care of herself. The one they should be worrying about is Hope.

Because the more she tried to piece together, the more worried she felt for him. He had been through so much. Him and Noel. And she had too but her on the other side, watching as everyone relied on each other. Had someone they could turn to. Noel had no one to turn to. Sure, she was his best friend, but she had Snow and Lightning. She had family.

And she wasn't all too sure that Noel was really ready to accept them as much. Even in doubt Lightning could go to Sazh or Fang. She swallowed down her melancholy thoughts headed for the conference room. As much as she wanted to search her visions. Try to figure out what they wanted to tell her.

Instead she had to go to this meeting about what to do about Luxerion. They were stirring the drums of war. They wanted Snow and more importantly they wanted her. It was no secret that she could harness the powers of chaos. During the rise of Yusnaan she had had to use her powers to help waylay the chaos from the city and from the Fal'cie. The only way to preserve life on this forsaken world. But also to protect Vanille who could speak to the spirits trapped within chaos.

* * *

Vanille sat down on the plush bed and looked around at the members of the meeting. Fang was sitting near her, while Noel sat on her other side. Lightning stood near the entrance as if ready to go running off at a moment's notice. Vanille stroked her own hair and pulled her knees up to her chest.

"The end is coming." She murmured softly. "The souls are so restless now. The 'moon' up in the sky is god's great ark to take us to the new world."

"God's ark huh?" Noel asked bitterly. "We all sacrificed to create that Ark he just so graciously has decided to repurpose."

"This world cannot survive the way it is now." Fang pointed out. "Mixed like this with the chaos it's only a matter of time before the chaos turns on it and destroys it too."

"But partitioning the world back to the way it was." Lightning spoke quietly. "To move to a new world requires a sacrifice that I'm not willing to pay. Nor inclined to let anyone else pay. To destroy this planet God would have to destroy the chaos that has invaded. Bhunivelze can not see chaos nor does he care for it. He would destroy all the chaos. Good and bad…"

"Basically taking away all of the souls." Vanille spoke quietly. "And seal them into the void… Lock the key away."

The silence that stretched on after that was long and painful. Finally Lightning spoke. "Then we should start making plans to stop him."

"So no what?" Fang stated as she sat up with interest now that the explanation was over. She was more a woman of action then anything else.

"I will go to Yusnaan and discuss with them what to do about Lexerion. It's obvious to me that they want her more then they care about the Fal'cie. I doubt any of those bastards are willing to sacrifice themselves to keep the world running."

"Vanille and I are staying here. Right now no one knows about her powers and I want to keep it that way. Also, it would probably benefit us to see what else the ruins can tell us about our enemy." She took a deep breath and turned to Noel. "And what will you do?"

"I'm going back to the Wildlands. First I need to update Sazh."

"What about Luxerion. We need to do something about—"

"If I am going to become one of the Children of Etro I can't just show up and claim to be the Shadow Hunter. In the Wildlands I can win over the milder types and then go to Luxerion already hailed as a savior. It'll take time but at this rate we still have what? A hundred years? I need to strike fear into them."

Lightning nodded. "It's a good idea."

Noel shrugged, he couldn't really admit that he was going into the Wildlands to talk to the chaos. He had a feeling that wouldn't go over well at all.

* * *

Noel felt a tension that had been in his shoulders and his back relax when he sat foot once again in the Wildlands. After a deep cleansing breath he started towards Sazh's place to update him on everything that had happened so far. Not that it was much. He still felt pangs in his heart to be honest. All the discussion, plotting and planning and not one word was said about Hope. He desperately wanted to believe that the others still cared. That they were not only trying to save the world but save Hope as well.

He looked towards where the Ark was. Everything that they knew about Hope said that he was there. And yet not even Lightning with all her demigoddess powers had even thought to attempt to breech the barrier. It made him angry but he tried to quell that anger. If he went into the chaos like this it would probably consume him. He placed a hand over his heart as he thought about interacting with the chaos. He would go and take the heart if it meant he could have Hope back.

Crazier ideas crossed his mind as he walked towards the humble abode that housed Sazh and Dajh. He knocked on the door and found the older man sitting with his son and a cup of tea. He collapsed next to him and sighed deeply. "The others have started hatching plans. Fang told me to tell you to sit tight around here. That the violence isn't something you should have to deal with it."

"I'm not that old." Sazh grumbled but he still nodded his head in understanding. "I really wouldn't be able to bring myself to go help with Dajh like this. The last time all this mess happened I could do it because Dajh was crystal. Safe but also… motivation."

"In the end we might need you." Noel shook his head. "But I'll try and keep it from getting there."

"And what are you going to do?" Sazh was suddenly looking at him. Looking at him more then he'd had in a century, dark eyes searching for the things that Noel was hiding.

"I'm going to hang around a bit. Fall in with a bad crowd and then head to Luxerion." His smile stretched thin. "I'm going to use the Children of Etro to get Luxerion back in line."

"That's a crazy ass idea. No wonder you don't want this old man involved." Sazh took a deep breath and reached out and took Noel by the shoulders. "Don't go too crazy. I don't want to have to explain to Hope that you went off the deep end."

Noel bit back bitter words and nodded his head. "I'll be back in one piece."

* * *

Noel was walking around the Wildlands searching for his old campsite. It had been ridiculously easy to gain favor with the Children of Etro. Not only because of the foretold prophecy but because when he took their proof tests he had passed more then gracefully. His body, still infused with all the crap that Caius had done to him still reacted favorably to the chaos and that appealed to those fanatics greatly.

Thinking of Caius always made him depressed. As he buckled down for the night and made a fire, he found his hand wandering over his heart again. Pressing his hand firmly he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Caius, had betrayed him so greatly that he wasn't sure if he could ever fully recover. Even now with all his memory restored he still felt a bitterness that was hard to contain. He leaned back and stared up into the sky.

"You're heart if fully of chaos." It was Nora again, her gently smiling face as she looked over at him. "You shouldn't dispar so much."

"My whole family is gone. I don't see why I shouldn't grieve." He snapped back. She gave him such a disapproving look in response that it let him know exactly where Hope had gotten that snappy temperament when he was annoyed.

"You have a family if you wish to see it." She stated hotly as she continued to glare him down. "Does your time with Serah mean nothing? Or the others who have extended their care to you? What about my son? Would you abandon him to the fate that that monster has for him?"

Noel felt himself shrivel back from her and the guilt squirm around in his gut. He was being selfish he knew. But losing Caius and Yuel and then… Hope. He looked up at Nora and that gentle smile was surprisingly back on her face. She cupped her hands together and in her hands appeared an image of Hope but not the Hope that he remembered. The small lanky kid with scared eyes didn't seem like it would be his Hope.

"Once a long time ago… My son was in your position. His mother gone and his father unable to be there for him. Those same people that you are rejecting took him in and helped him build a family that I could be proud of. I'll always be his mother. But no one deserves to be alone. Not even you."

"But I have to repent."

"Repent for the things that others have done?" She asked quietly. "Please don't let your guilt take you away from them. You should rest now. Not just your body but your weary soul as well."

* * *

_"Noel?" The voice was soft as if waking him from a dream. "Wake up. I don't have much time."_

_Noel's eyes snapped open and he stared up into bright turquoise eyes. "Hope?"_

_He didn't dare to believe it but as warm arms wrapped around him and pulled him in. Noel found himself scooting forward and leaned his head into the crook of his neck. The warmth that surrounded him was amazing and he found himself relaxing for the first time in so long. He brought a hand up and curled it into his shirt._

_"I'm so sorry Noel." The other's breath blew softly against his ear. "I didn't mean to leave you behind."_

_"I don't care." Noel replied firmly. "Just stay."_

_The arms around him cradled him almost gently. The silence the fell between them was almost more comfortable then even talking. He could hear his lover, his partner's heartbeat at his pulse. The knowledge that he was alive, was okay was all that Noel could ask for at this point._

_"I can't stay." Hope finally spoke. "And when you see me next will be bad."_

_Noel pulled back and stared into the eyes and then shook his head furiously. "No. Don't say that."_

_"When you see me next… I could very well be a monster."_

_"Shut up. Don't tell me these things!"_

_"Whatever I am… Know that I love you."_

_**"DON'T YOU DARE SAY GOODBYE!"**_ Noel jerked awake with his scream and stared up at the dark sky and the softly glowing stars. The dual moons, one being Hope's Ark shined back at him.

It wasn't real, he told himself as he sat up. Hope had never, would never give up like that. If somehow they could meet Hope wouldn't dare say goodbye. They would figure out a way to do… Something. Anything to be together and save the damn world. And he was going to fight for that. He was going to achieve both those goals.

And to start that path, he was going to Luxerion tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, here's the next part. About 3 more parts after this and then on to the next. As spoken of in the last note. There will be some things happening, but that'll be in the note below.
> 
> Anyways! Happy reading!

The quiet was thick when he woke up. Hope was lying on his side on the ground and staring into the wide darkness. His body felt weird. Weak and in pain he closed his eyes back and didn't move more. Even breathing hurt at this point. As he mentally took stock of his body he realized that he was in his fourteen year old body again. The desirable l'cie body that the god had wanted. The pain that stretched through his form mostly started at his extremities where large portions of transformation must have taken place.

He wasn't sure what exactly was don't to him physically to change his appearance but he was sure that it was something he should not have survived multiple times. With a deep breath Hope opened his eyes and sat up. The pain that ripped through him should have been debilitating but instead it was almost a comfort. He couldn't feel much else honestly. As he stared into the darkness where he was sure that Bhunivelze was watching.

"What have you done to me?" He asked quietly, his voice scratchy and unchanged. A weird side affect of things that the God didn't understand about humans.

"Finally made you permanently appealing." The voice from the darkness responded.

"I'll believe that when I see it." Hope shrugged idly and bit his lip harshly at the pain of even that simply movement.

"Is something wrong?" The God finally leaned into the light. His unchanging face almost startling against the darkness. Hope shrugged again, gritting his teeth. It was awkward to look at the God. As he looked at him now, he could see similarities between their faces. He wasn't sure if it was because of the bit of God's soul within him or if the god's face had morphed to start aligning with his vessel.

"Why would you care?" Hope finally bit out.

"You are to be my host… I would like to know the state of the body that is mine." The god replied and Hope glared at him, forgotten fury blaring to life.

"This is now and forever my body." He hissed lowly. "Whatever you do to me I won't back down and I won't die."

"Oh have you forgotten everything we talked about? You won't die. You will be absorbed and trust me… My powers are greater then whatever pathetic resistant your soul could hope to achieve."

"Even if I can't stop you. And I swear I'll resist you to the very end! My friends, my family will stop you."

"That girl? Etro's fallen night? Or are you talk about that chaos demon that you fell in love with? All will fall before my might and you know it. You know everything will end and the New World is mine to control. I will tear this terrible world asunder and make a new world. A beautiful world full of perfect creatures."

"That won't happen. I won't let you control me for this." Hope insisted and the God laughed softly, emotionlessly.

"Yes, you managed to beat my creations but you seem not to realize exactly who or what I am." The god for the first time revealed his full self. "A hundred years have passed since I put you in that box. Not only one hundred years but I have managed to truly get your body right. Soon I will have tamed your chaos as well and finish the new world. There is nothing you can do to stop me."

Hope deflated at those words. The pain that he assumed was now to be ever present was due to the meddling of Bhunivelze. He wanted to inquire as to what the god had done to him but found he didn't have the energy. He slowly sat down and looked over his arms and noticed the strange markings.

"Don't worry… Those will fade with time." The god murmured as he disappeared back into the darkness.

Hope closed his eyes. He was beginning to feel helplessness building up on the edges of his awareness and he tried to quash it down. Bhunivelze's large hand reached out and picked him up.

"Let us begin."

* * *

_When Hope woke up in the dreamscape of his mind, he signed to himself in utter registration. This place gave him Hope but knowing that the other had sent him here meant that, the god planned to use it against him. Or at least try to. As he eased up into a siting position he looked around the room._

_It was at sunset and the sky outside his window was beautiful. Standing up he stretched his arms. It was Academia as he remembered it. But it was what was outside the door that worried him. Moving slowly, he pulled on clothes and exited into the main room straightening up his tie._

_Once outside he was surprised and almost bitterly angry at the sight of his mother sitting primly and properly at the kitchen counter. She looked wrong somehow. He didn't know if it's because of the god or because of how long ago the memory was. She looked up at him and that soft smile was definitely from his memory and he wanted to relax but knew that he couldn't._

_"I was waiting for you to wake up." She spoke softly, her voice as he remembered._

_"No you weren't." He responded quickly. He had wanted to sound cold but instead he sound desperate. Scared._

_"Now what's this about? Am I suddenly not allowed in my own son's house?" She stood up and placed her hands on her hips. "I'm your mother after all and you should adhere to my words."_

_"I would if my mother ever spoke like that." Hope responded and pushed past her to go and get a drink from the refrigerator. He didn't want to be mean or cruel but he needed to get it across to Bhunivelze that his mother was off limits._

_"Fine!" She shouted throwing her hands up in the air. "You want to reject me for no earthly reason after I died for you! FINE!"_

_He was taken aback by her shouting and stepped backwards. He opened his mouth and closed it with nothing to say._

_"I sacrificed my life for you and find a way to finally see you after all this time. You were always useless. Spoiled and whiny! Everything I did for you rejected. And then you held back those brave enough to try and stop the fal'cie from creating more like me! You useless wretch!" She slapped him then, the violence of her action surprisingly Hope immensely._

_This was not his mother. His mother would never act like this or do this and yet. Something in his heart ached. She slapped him again he sunk down the wall._

_"I regret ever having you! You are the worse!" She continued on yelling and berating him. He closed his eyes and tried to block out those hurtful words said in his mother's voice. When the tirade was over and Hope opened his eyes. The room was empty as if she'd never been there._

* * *

Nervously Hope opened his eyes to what he thought was the real world. Before him in the dark place wasn't the same place he was in before. The god sighed deeply and looked him over. Hope studied him idly as the god regarded him. Hope placed a hand on his chest and glared up at the god.

"You are definitely proving very hard to break." The god murmured quietly as he leaned back and regarded the other carefully.

"My love, mind and emotions make me how I am! You won't take that from me easily." Hope protested clenching his teeth against the harsh pangs of pain that erupted along his body, mostly around his joints.

"You really don't understand do you?" The god gave his emotionless laugh again. "I have no use for a human. For what it is that you call humanity. Especially yours. What I need now is a vessel. So that I may descend upon the world and guide them to their fates."

Hope wanted to refuse. Felt everything within his being surge up to refuse. Instead he felt as if the hope had drained form him. He slumped down in defeat and tried to focus on anything but the knowledge that he'd lost. He had lost everything. Even if he managed to escape on pure good luck. He knew that his body would not survive without god's power and decided that there was nothing else that he could but wait for death.

* * *

_Hope stared around the apartment and picked up the portrait of his family. The one with his parents and Noel. He hugged it to his chest and closed his eyes. He prayed for strength and to meet those that he had missed. And he missed his family so much. He wouldn't allow Bhunivelze to win. To destroy him. He knew that he couldn't beat the god. And he knew that a lot inside himself had been destroyed by the torture, and that parts of himself felt broken beyond repair. He slowly pulled back and gently began slipping pictures of of their cases._

_He took out the family portrait. The picture of the six l'cie as well as the other pictures that stored his memories and his emotions. Once he had the full stack in his hands, he headed towards the bedroom. Having mapped out his mind space he understood that the God could not come in this place. Could not affect it and could not see it. It was the part of him that was fully formed by chaos. His subconscious mind so to speak._

_After placing most of the pictures into the nightstand. He held in his hands the one of him and Noel. The one with that special smile on Noel's face. He found himself unwilling to put the picture down. Tears pricked his eyes and he clutched the picture tightly as he cried. This was the last thing he had power over within his life and even knowing it was the right choice he could barely bring himself to do it._

_After what seemed like hours of crying but couldn't be that long. Hope laid the picture into the nightstand. He slammed the drawer shut before he could change his mind. He locked the innocuously looking drawer. He swallowed hard. The next step was to leave the room and lock the door. Effectively locking away his emotions and maybe even his memories. He didn't want to give up himself._

_Hope stood up resolutely and headed for the exit. At the door he paused and stared at the bed. In this room he had shared the deepest parts of himself with Noel. Things that he hadn't shared with the others of his self made family. Things that honestly could only be shared with a lover. He opened the door and stepped out. He turned and shut the door. And with a heavy heart, he locked it._

* * *

Hope stood staring numbly up at Bhunivelze. The god was inspecting him to check and make sure the state of his body wasn't deteriorating. Hope found that he physically didn't really feel or notice anything outside of the constant pain but he figured nothing could be done about that. It was a good day though, thinking pain scales he'd assume about a five tops. As the god tilted his head to check the binding on his neck he sucked in a harsh breath. That was definitely an either. That hurt far more then he was expecting it to. Finally the god murmured something in an appraising voice.

"I assuming that means that this alteration really will hold?" He asked quietly.

"You say that is if you are sure of my failure." The god hissed as he turned Hope's head rather roughly and the man in a boy's body gasped in pain.

"This is the tenth iteration of my l'cie body that you have attempted. While the amount of power that you wield increases chances of success often times in experiments there are many failures until the subject material is understood." Hope responded and the god found himself staring at the utter changes in his vessel's responses to him.

"This is very true." The god of light dropped the body and slid back into the darkness. "But there are still more tests to make sure that things are still okay."

* * *

_Unable to stop himself, his soul hurting. Hope forced his way back into the room within his mind. He dove under the covers and cried harder then he'd ever had in his life. He clung to the covers, to his feelings, his emotions and his total sense of self. He wanted it all back. And yet, even as he cried and tried to reassemble himself it wasn't working._

_The memories came back all too readily. Settling in his mind gently but the emotions didn't come. Almost as if having a mind of it's own, they stayed apart from him. Gasping in realization he searched for the key to the bedside table but couldn't find it. Slamming his hand against the table, more tears found their way down his cheeks. In anger and desperation he tugged at the handle on the drawer desperately hoping to open it._

_He could feel the vestiges of his consciousness trying to awaken it. He fought it and tried to stay. He couldn't do this. He didn't know why he thought he could. He fought and clung to the draw but an invisible force tugged him backwards out the room. In desperation he closed the door. Hoping that would be enough to keep it safe._

* * *

"So… you thought that you could lock away your memories from me." Bhunivelze seemed almost gleeful as he stared down at Hope. "Did you really think that your memories were the function of chaos? As if a God wouldn't have such things?"

"I never said I did, did I?" Hope asked as he slowly pushed himself up into a sitting position. His whole body held a deep seated ache that made him want to fall back to God was studying him again. As if looking for new weaknesses.

"The body is holding quite well." The God finally spoke again and Hope looked down to see smears of blood on his body no forms of shape shifting.

"I guess that is a good thing." Hope replied but the God merely laughed in his monotone voice.

"It took me a while to guess what would most appropriately make you perfect. But I think I have figured it out. Your body will constantly reject the change because you want to look the way you were before I took you. But I have fully asserted my will over you and thus I assume that whether you tell me or not. The dualities are causing you constant pain."

Hope shrugged idly and looked up at the massive creature before him. Honestly the pain didn't matter to him, his emotions fully locked away within his subconscious all he had left were the more physical of the emotions. The pain eased over him in ways that were becoming expected. He sat up a bit straighter.

"Then this body holds through constant transformation?" He asked as he examined his hands. "Does this mean that I will continuously bleed?"

"You really think your will is stronger then a god's."

"That depends." Hope looked at him, sparks of what he hoped were anger flitted through his mind. "Is it your personal will or the divine will?"

The smack was fully expected as he rolled with the force of it and didn't move afterwards. While he wanted to do something he found that there was nothing else he could do. He sat up again and watched as the god stared at him.

"You are so close to being ready." Bhunivelze murmured and Hope couldn't help himself but laugh. The perplexed look that crossed the god's face caused him to laugh even harder. He couldn't help himself. Had the god thought that the changes in his behavior came from him?

"You seem to think that you have somehow tamed my spirit and I must say that you are incorrect." Hope replied firmly. "You are by no means someone or well… something capable of understanding humanity nor me."

"This resistance is something that I am willing ot stand. For you see… When you become my vessel… my spirit will not only overwhelm you… it will destroy you."

* * *

_Hope was not inside his dream space. Or at least not the same part of it. Instead of in his apartment, he was in his office. As he sat at the desk unsure of what it was that he should be doing the door opened as his father appeared. The man looked harried and nervous._

_"Come quickly." He spoke as he pulled him up. "Your mother is ill."_

_Unconcerned with such dreams that Bhunivelze would send him, he pulled out of his father's grip. The man sent him a look of shock and pain, but Hope found that it didn't even phase him._

_The scene changed anyways and he was at his mother's bedside. He noticed with a detached air that it was most likely the injuries that she has sustained at the Hanging Edge so very long ago. He watched as she looked him, her beautiful face marked in pain. From the first time in a dream space, he was in his younger body._

_"You are already dead." Hope replied turning to walk away._

_"No." She rasped and the realness of her voice gave him pause. The cold demeanor not quit as strong as it once was. Sensing the weakness, the specter on the bed laughed. "You really are a weak, petulant child aren't you?"_

_"I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE MY MOTHER AGAINST ME." Hope forced himself out the door._

_In the waiting room was a guilt ridden Snow, who looked up at him with wide eyes. "What are you doing kid? Go be with your Mom."_

_"That's not my mother." He told this new specter bitterly. Snow stood up to make further comment. Bhunivelze must have not realized the tumultuous relationship that he and the large man had. In no way, not now, not ever would Snow cow him into anything. He shoved the large man back into his seat._

_"In case you have forgotten Bhunivelze. I won't fall for any or your tricks." He called up to the ceiling and then he looked forward at Snow. "And to send someone to me who still hasn't grown up enough to know what's important. As if that would change my mind about anything? You big oaf… I know you aren't really him. But damn it when are you going to realize that all Serah ever wanted from you was to stay by her side."_

_That seemed to be the magic words to remove him from this scene as well. Mentally he took a deep breath in relief. Being faced with his mother was honestly harder then he wanted to admit._

_In this new scene he was back in his apartment. He turned in surprise to see Vanille there watching him curiously. He turned face and walked out of the room._

_Unfortunately that was probably the worst choice. Inside the room, it was the guest room was Noel. He was sleeping peacefully and Hope felt something in his heart clenched. He couldn't help himself as he moved towards the bed. It wasn't real. This Noel was bound to say terrible things to him. Or even do horrible things. But first he just wanted to pretend._

_When he was close enough to touch, a fast hand grabbed him and he was suddenly under the larger young man. Hope was started to realize that he was still in his younger body. And by the look of it, so was Noel. They stared at each other wide eyed for scant seconds and then Noel rolled over._

_"Well that's disappointing. I was waiting for my partner and instead I was sent a child." The voice, mannerisms, everything that came from this 'Noel' was completely not his partner. It made it easier to get up. But it also hurt that he couldn't feel the illusion. "Are you wondering why I'm not like him?"_

_Hope managed to look over him but said nothing. If Bhunivelze was going to tell him it would happen with or with out his consent anyways._

_"You've completely locked him from me. Even on that cursed world I cannot see him. Nor effect him." Bhunivelze leaned forward_

_"If you think it was me… You are an idiot. Noel is divinely protected by Etro. The chaos is probably surround him like a protective barrier."_

_"THE CHAOS?!" Not Noel punched him so hard he flew off the bed and into the wall. Godly strength. Bhunivelze had finally been pushed to hard. The fake was on him before he could react. The pummeling of his fists hurt almost as much as it would if it were real life. He closed his eyes. He blocked it all out._

When Hope woke, he could only stare at the sky with detached eyes. He realized dimly that sometime during the beating he must has escaped. He had a vague feeling that he must have escaped the fake Noel's attack. He could blearily recall going into his own headspace one last time. Realizing dimly that he locked all parts of himself away from real this time.

A lone tear trailed down his face. But he could understand why such an event would occur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As for the state of this story, particular as a benefit for the lurkers as well as the commenters. I'm terrible about leaving comments because I never know what to say, so no worries.
> 
> But, as of this past weekend, I found out that my mother is stage 4 and has about 2 years to live. (mostly due to her somehow getting the worse doctors in the whole city for over a year). But as I have to take time for my family and stuff once I post the last 3 chapters of this story. I'm going to take about a month break to help out the family and stuff. During that time I don't really know how much I will be able to get written but I will start post the new story after that. 
> 
> Sorry that this is a mostly private matters note. But as I'm not really involved in the community aspects of fandom. (I am a super non talkative loner.) I didn't want to take this break and have people think the story has been abandoned.
> 
> See you next chapter!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the month? Month and a half long delay. Way back in July I had to make an emergency trip home to be with my mother in her last days soooo.... Yeah. Now that I'd sadly but also thankfully done with arranging her things and knowing that she's no longer in pain back to business as usual....
> 
> I think. Anyways.... have an update!!!

Luxerion wasn't what Noel thought it would be. Either way, it was surprising and mostly just depressing. A haze of malcontent seemed to have settled on the city of cults as he liked to call it. And considering that the Order of Salvation had managed to somewhat tame the city had probably set the other groups of zealots off. Then again, he probably shouldn't make too many comments considering that he was about to shake things up even more.

He entered the city without care. He wasn't too worried about fighting. His body always kept ready for battle with otherworldly creatures. He walked through the streets with confidence as he headed towards the place that Nora had directed him towards. The people looked all around terrible as if living in squalor.

His first order of business he decided, once he had fully integrated into Luxerion's Children of Etro chapter was to clean this city up. Pandaemonium provided enough food for the people in the world and then some. The Order was just withholding food just try and force conversions. He'd have none of that. As he thought about the plans he was accosted by a girl.

She was pale and waif like. She walked forward slowly and the grin that stretched across her mouth was almost disturbing.

"The Shadow Hunter has come!" She gasped as she took his hands and looked him over. Releasing his hands she turned and ran off. He shrugged idly but realized that that would probably make my life easier. Now he just had to find that place.

* * *

 

Serah was standing at the window looking in the direction of Luxerion as she often did. It annoyed Snow, what was the point of staring after Noel? He had his orders and so did they. Looking back did nothing. Well, honestly it made Snow feel guilty and the more Serah looked the worse he felt. He grasped her shoulder and turned her around.

"You know we still have work to do." He spoke but didn't expect the bitter look on her face.

"Yes… keep the parties going so they can dance to their deaths. Meanwhile Luxerion is planning a war! I can't just… Noel is by himself." She clutched her hands together. If she had been the old Serah, the one he'd left in 3AF, he would have assumed that she wanted him to fix things. But this Serah, the love of his life fully grown up was probably imagining her sword or bow in her hand. The comforting weight of knowing you can do something.

"Noel will be fine. Worry about the fact that you are a target."

"HOW CAN I NOT WORRY ABOUT HIM?" She shoved Snow back and then stared at him with wide eyes.

Snow swallowed hard. Staring into her eyes he felt more then just guilt twisting in his chest. He'd left Serah alone for so long. Over and over again, running off to place hero. Noel had yelled at him about it and so had Hope. He remembered snorting in response. Didn't they run off all the time too? But as he looked at Serah he could see the differences.

Even now, he wasn't fully committing himself to Serah. Couldn't allow himself to fully love her and she knew it. The more he thought about it, Noel was someone that she could love. Snow clenched his fists. He was too selfish to set her free and they both knew it. Serah reached for him, to make amends but it was all Snow's fault and it wasn't her place. He turned around and left.

* * *

 

Fang grumbled to herself as she headed back to base camp. Those jerks in Luxerion were getting more and more bold. She would have to do something soon or things would be bad. She reached the last sand dune and at the top found herself pausing in terrorized shock. The whole camp had been razed to the ground. Choking on a cry, she launched her self down the hill. Falling graceless and scrambling back to her feet. She wasted no time on the other huts but headed straight for the one that Vanille should have been in.

The whole hut had been burned to the ground. Nothing was left, nothing to even signify that Vanille had been there. She sunk to her knees and dug her hands into the hot sand. All she could think was 'no.' How had she let this happen? Those bastards had taken Vanille. She closed her eyes and brought her hands to her face. She knew that Vanille would have fought, would have defended herself as best, as she could.

Vanille was a damn good fighter but this was too much, knowing that the girl had been out numbered. Fang couldn't help but submit to her own pain, at least for a little while.

* * *

 

If Snow was surprised to see Fang on his doorstep he didn't show it. She pushed past him and grumbled about the decadence of the palace as she followed him to his private study. Once there she didn't take a seat but most certainly started her demands.

"I need twenty to forty of your best men. Those bastards took Vanille." She stated and at first Snow could do nothing but stare at her in shock.

He paused and watched her, her impatience and mounting anger. He knew that what he would say next would hurt her more then he ever wished.

"I'm afraid I can't do that." He held up his hand when she moved to protest. "To start a war with Luxerion would be madness at this point."

"They took Vanille are you daft?!" She shouted slamming his hands on the desk.

"And a war would get her back how?" He asked, calmly. It was unnerving to see such a face from Snow. "If you really wanted to get her back you would have went to Noel and the Children of Etro. Instead you came here, knowing that if I got involved that it would start a war."

Fang crossed her arms and looked away. Snow watched her as she resolutely glared at the wall and he sighed deeply.

"Then there are two options. And I can figure it out. I'm not as stupid as people think. Either you came here because you thought that I would hotheadedly jump up and fight for you. Or, there is something that I don't want to hear."

"Vanille is in danger. I need to get her back."

"We all know that she isn't in danger until the end of the fabled 13 days. Meaning we still have lots of time. Humor me. What is your real goal?" Snow asked and Fang was taken aback. Snow seemed so alien to her right now. Where was the man who would dash in without thought to save others. "I know you mean to use my nature against me for your own ends. Spill it."

Fang slumped down into the chair defeated. "I want the firepower that you have. But also…"

"You wanted to dangle Serah in front of them." Snow stated bitterly. "They only reason they haven't attempted to come after her, is that it would start a war and I would be forced to cut off their supplies. If I start the war those fanatics could do what they wanted in the name of the divine and we all know that their target would be Serah."

"Serah is the safest here! What is there to worry about?!" Fang shouted and the look Snow gave her reminded her of Lightning when she was angry.

"Because Vanille wouldn't want that. You are planning to sacrifice Serah for Vanille. Or maybe even all of Yusnaan for her. DO you really think that I would do that?"

"SO YOU ARE JUST GOING TO LET THEM KEEP HER?!" Fang was so loud that Snow was sure that people all through out the palace had heard her.

"Now when did I say that?" Snow asked as he folded his hands together.

"Well I most certainly don't see you doing anything to try and find Hope." It was a low blow and she knew it. Still Snow flinched and looked away. It was an old wound, one that still hadn't scabbed over. She felt guilt at the edges of her awareness. When he looked at her, his eyes were so cold she couldn't help but look away.

"I'll forgive that since I know you are in pain." He spoke lowly. "And I'll even see if Serah can get in contact with Lightning. That way, she can get the message to Noel faster so that he can help you save Vanille. That way the two of you can get Vanille back without starting a war. I would also like you to look beyond your own nose and think. The world is already falling apart. Would Vanille want you to hasten it with a foolish war?"

Fang looked properly chastised. It was a small and bittersweet victory. He honestly didn't want to hurt her. But what she wanted to do was ridiculous. She needed to understand that turning against each other and using each other was the last thing that they should be doing. He took a deep breath before speaking again when he realized that she wasn't going to say anything.

"Noel can help you… You know that right?"

"Noel can't even help himself at this point." Fang growled bitterly and then sighed deeply. "But you are right. He could use a focus for all that extra aggression he has right now."

Snow sighed deeply. Regardless of what Fang thought, aggression was the least of Noel's problems.

* * *

 

Where Yusnaan is a brightly colored and happy city, filled with escapism and genuine happiness no matter how brief. Luxerion is as close to a polar opposite as you can get. The dreary city filled with fanatics was a motif of drab and depressing colors and filled with theft and murder. Mostly because the city was filled with different religious orders that hated each other. But now there was new threat, one a bit more insidious.

The Order of Salvation, the largest cult with in the city had declared itself not only the dominate religion, but had begun to demand pesky things such as fealty and even went as far as to persecute other sects. Not the Children of Etro though, the second largest group still garnered too much support for them to attack out right.

But that was changing. The Children of Etro and their love of death was slowly beginning to thin their herd, but also made them a tad bit more willing to fight then others. As the Order gained more power, the city government was now filled with the Order and it was only a matter of time before they declared direct rule of the city.

It was enough to make a guy nervous. Even now Noel was making plots to attack key points of the Order's holdings. He couldn't stop them from taking over the city, but he could stop them from totally starving those who were not believes and converts. He had managed to, in the two years that he'd been here to get the Children of Etro not only under his control, but also their complete trust.

It helped that he was making sure that those in the slums and the parts stained with chaos got food. Unlike Yusnaan, the city government allowed the slums to be consumed with chaos infusions while the areas that the rich members of the Order were well protected. Noel hated this place with a passion that he hadn't been sure that he could feel before.

Though Hope was always on his mind, as he wandered Luxerion during the bleary days, he felt anger that all of Hope's hard work had been aloud to deteriorate. These ungrateful people didn't even remember all that Hope had done for him. Once hailed as a hero, he was merely a legend. According to the Order, humans had sinned and Hope, as if he were literally 'hope' had been taken away from them.

The Children of Etro seemed to believe something similar, but it made him feel sick inside when he thought about it. Everyone believed that God had taken Hope. That this loss was part of the reason they were suffering. With the religious texts of the Children, was the belief that Hope would greet them in the underworld. As if such a thing even existed anymore. All that was left was the void.

It was the Order's texts that troubled him. They referred to Hope as the guide. That he would lead the savior and be the hope of the people again. It was said that through the savior, that the mortal bodies would be cast aside to join by God's side as Hope had already done. It made him feel sick inside. But he had to listen. This was his job. To know the ins and outs of the Order to help them when the time came.

It wasn't just the Soulsong. It was everything that the Order of Salvation stood for. Supposedly Bhunivelze was this great and awesome god that would help out but all that was left now was the pain and the frustration of the kinds of people that Hope had held the highest of disdain for.

Noel laughed to himself as he sat on his perch. All his thoughts always came back to Hope. He could imagine him sitting next to him even now. Looking out over this ruined city and making plans to fix it. To restore humanity not only to their greater glory but to fix what the chaos had broken. He closed his eyes and leaned forward placing his head into his hands.

It wasn't like Hope had done this alone. A lot of the people who were responsible for that great world were gone. Had died or been murdered and much more. This world was shit and everything was going wrong. This bitter and broken world wasn't just because Hope was gone, he knew that. It was also because of people like him, if he were to be honest. He had lost more then just Hope, his partner and the hope for a better future. His heart ached in a way that hadn't know was possible.

But he could step back and admit it wasn't just Hope missing. It was the loss of Yuel and the betrayals of Caius. It was the loss of the Ark and nearly losing Serah as the Eyes of Etro. It was the pain of watching this world fall apart. The guilt of having a part in it. He wasn't even sure if Hope being by his side would have kept that all consuming guilt that he felt away. Humans weren't made to live so long.

As the world became darker it was harder to shut out the grief. He remembered in brief medical texts that he probably suffered from some form of depression. Probably a bunch of other irreparably damaging things to his mental status. He had thought about dying several times. It would be easy to just go into a chaos infusion and not fight back. But knowing that Hope and the others needed help meant he couldn't.

But he honestly didn't know how much strength he really had to hang on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh and on a last note. There are only 2 more chapters after this and then starts the next story in which, le gasp. We will actually tackle Lightning Returns. (I probably have to watch/play that again to make sure I have things the way I want it but who knows.)
> 
> Sorry about being so talkative. But I've missed writing and posting. It feels good to be back with it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done! One more chapter and then on to the next main story!

Serah moved her hands slowly along the rail as she stared out into the city. Lightning stood beside her, but more stationary, almost like a statue. The two sisters, so much a like and so very different stood in comparison over the people they had both tried to save, and tried to leave behind. The older of the two had a look of bland disinterest, but inside she was nervous. This world was doomed, nothing she ever found said otherwise and moreover. She wasn't finding anything that she could do to help. It went against everything that she was.

"Vanille has been kidnapped." Serah finally said with not preamble. "The Order has made their first move, but it's hard to know if she has the power they were looking for."

"She was the easier catch." Lightning replied, the flash of anger in her eyes betraying the dispassionate way she spoke. "The Order is crazy, not stupid. Their high priestess has been planning this all out for a long time."

"And what does that mean for us? Snow seems to think that Noel can get her back." Serah bit her lip in frustration. "But would that really stop them? We could hide Vanille here but Claire… what would that really do?"

It always gave Lightning a start to hear someone refer to her by her real name. Even Serah had given into the childish whim of hers to be called by the code name. Feeling a little bit strange she reached out and grasped her sister's restless hand.

"Hiding Vanille here is probably not the answer. It would only push us closer to war. There aren't any easy answers you know this." She tilted her head back and looked up into the sky. "Right now we can only float adrift until He makes his move."

Serah swallowed hard as she followed her sister's line of sight to the Ark. Bhunivelze's place of operation.

* * *

"By the gods this place is depression." Fang commented as she walked into Noel's miserable apartment. She didn't know what else to say. She hadn't expected much, it was honestly just a place of operation but to see the deterioration of Noel up close. The other shrugged his shoulder and sat down on the ratty couch.

"Lightning told me about Vanille." He stated calmly as he pulled out an old datapad and laid it on a rickety coffee table. Use to places that weren't so tidy, Fang just sat down on the floor. "The most likely place for Vanille to be is pretty dangerous for us to get into. Deep with in the Cathedral of Luxerion is the Seat of the Saint. A glorified prison cell for their sacrifice to douche face."

"What do you mean sacrifice?" Fang's voice turn positively deadly.

"Anyone gifted with power of the divined is destined to die." Noel said with a voice that promised violence. "And while the Order acts as if they believe in salvation in a new world. What they preach is a type of death that even the Children of Etro can't abide by."

Fang sat up a little straighter at that. It was true that Noel had come to know more about the heretics and fanatics then the rest of them. But had he become consumed by the very dogmas and falsehoods that he was supposed to be stay separate from?

"What does that even mean?"

"There are two types of death being spoke of." Noel stated as he pushed off the couch and stood up. "The Children of Etro believe that death in this world will covert you into the chaos and that on the day when Etro awakens, she will shepherd us back into the cycle of souls from before. Crazy and misguided but not the greatest of problems.

"On the other hand, the Order believes in divine death. The death of the body, the soul and the "spirit." It took me a long time to figure out what 'the spirit' was but now that I know… The Order and god is more dangerous then we thought. The spirit is the part of our subconscious that allows us to preserved in the chaos and reborn into new people.

"Bhunivelze can't see the chaos and thus cannot affect that… And that is what makes us well… Human. That is Bhunivelze's end goal. To destroy that part of us and replace it with himself. A new world full of fucking puppets."

Fang stared at him with wide eyes. She choked on her breath at the thought of such an absolute destruction. She had heard from Serah, that the Void… While unable to come back from it was filled with apparently what was called the spirit. And that bastard god wanted to destroy all of it. But Noel wasn't finished talking.

"Because he can't see it. He needs Vanille to see that which he cannot. The savior to collect that which he can't and Hope to guide those that will not listen. He can't function on this world due to the the chaos. So, the best way to break up his power and stop him is through his chosen servants."

"Then we need to save Vanille." Fang stood up be Noel glared her down.

"We need more then to save her from the Order. Bhunivelze attacks in a variety of ways or have you forgotten?" Noel asked quietly and Fang rolled her eyes.

"I don't give a royal shit about his divine whatsits… And how do you know this?" She growled.

"Like Serah, Vanille, and Yuel… I have chaos powers… but unlike them it isn't the way in which you think. Bhunivelze needs Serah and Vanille to see the chaos for him and help him to remove it. I am the inheritor of the heart of chaos. I don't have it… but it is wrapped up around me. If what the wandering souls tell me is true… Bhunivelze can't see people like me."

"There's no why he doesn't know of your existence." She argued back and the man nodded but lifted his hand and she watched as it became covered in inky blackness.

"While humans can't always see the chaos. Only the thicker, more concentrated amounts. The chaos is everywhere. And for me… it is always drawn to me. And it masks me from him as much as it probably could be done. It's why only Lightning can approach the Temple of Etro. It is covered in chaos so thick that Bhunivelze can't see it. Can't touch it. He probably doesn't know that she's still alive either."

Fang rolled her eyes and looked towards the exit. "That doesn't answer what we will do about Vanille."

"Right now… We have to get into the Cathedral and talk to her. Not rescue… but talk. We need to see why the Order wants her. From there… We will consider how to get her out and what the safest place for her is."

"The safest place is Yusnaan." Fang replied as she crossed her arms angrily.

"No." Noel stated quietly as he followed her look out the crumbling window frame. "The High Priestess or whoever the fuck she is… is itching for war with Yusnaan. They believed that the 'chaos wielders' are their saints and that by rights they own them. That will only strain relations and then we will have to focus on protecting both Serah and Vanille during a war. That's the last thing we need."

"I've done it before!" She shouted and Noel shook his head.

"This doesn't work the same as when you were a l'cie. You have to remember… As much as you might hate to admit it… but the Fal'cie had an investment in keeping you alive and furthermore you had stronger powers then. God isn't just a formidable enemy, he is the enemy."

Fang bit her lip. She hated that she was all emotions now and not logical thinking. She wanted to rage that they were treating her like a child. But she knew that it was mostly them trying to protect her and trying to protect Vanille. But she just couldn't help but feel bitter.

"Fine. We'll do it your way." She grouched.

* * *

 

It had been a few days since Fang had come to Luxerion. And it was a miserable three days she thought as she wandered the streets. The City of Light was really the city of fanatics. And being there chapped her ass something fierce. The whole city was gloomy and the craving for death existed in all peoples regardless of what God they chose to worship.

And then there was Noel. The young man was scarcely around her now that their plan had been established. And he could disappear in the blink of an eye. She had realized in a rather dreary way that the other had accepted the chaos into himself. Maybe he wasn't consumed by it, or crazed like Caius had supposedly been but it was still scary to realize that he had become so much more powerful.

And yet still not powerful enough to stop God.

* * *

 

While Noel had become particularly good at using his chaos powers. He did realize the need for them. He followed the careful path that the souls had laid out for him into the Cathedral and down into the dark depths. With the full utilization of his chaos powers, he could travel through the shadows, even become a shadow. The Shadow Hunter indeed.

When he got to his destination, he found Vanille. She sat on a bed in the center of the room like an abandoned doll. He appeared in the doorway and used a bit of power to jam the door. He needed the privacy honestly. She jerked up at the rise in chaos power and she looked up at him with surprise and sat up straighter.

"How did you get in here?!" She looked at him with wide eyes and he shrugged.

"You and Serah aren't the only ones that can harness chaos." He stated firmly and she nodded and stared down at her hands. "But of course… I can't move souls like you and Serah can. I can only control mindless chaos."

"Why are you here?" She asked quietly and he smiled thinly and sat down.

"You and I both know that Fang would move heaven and earth for you. If she could have she'd have punched Bhunivelze in the face by now for what he's done to you."

"That's not her choice." Vanille protestd weakly but a look from Noel and she sighed. "Fang just… She'll never understand. I have to be here. I know that I was taken forcefully… but… This way I can do my part."

That gave Noel pause, what did she mean by do her part. Vanille looked up at him with a thin smile. Noel stared back at her, wondering what kind of wrench she was about to through into the gears.

"The Order has taken me because I can direct souls. They are also looking for the artifact called the Holy Clavis. With that… I am to direct the souls into it so that they might be destroyed. But! The Clavis can also draw souls and chaos to itself. My power is stronger then it. I can direct the souls away."

"And where would you send them?" Noel asked quietly and Vanille shrugged weakly.

"I haven't through that far through yet actually. But, I can't run out into the desert and do nothing. The place I thought of first was Yusnaan where they would be protected by Snow. But the chaos would manifest into a massive infusion and who knows what kind of monsters would appear there and endanger the others."

"Then maybe you should send them to the Dead Dunes." Noel stood up. "I'll bring Fang here. And you can tell her this."

"Wait… What? How?"

"Don't worry." The smile that Noel gave her was a sad facsimile of the rakish grin that he usually sported. But still it gave Vanille a type of hope that she hadn't felt in a long time. The hope that they could make things right.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the last chapter of this fic! That means that the sequel should be coming soonish. Er, sometime next monthish? Also cause I can: Happy Birthday Momma!
> 
> That out of the way, I promise good things happen amongst the terrible in the sequel. But old faces, new faces etc, etc... However they adverstise sequels now. And excused me I'mma go watch the Rurouni Kenshin movie again in the name of studying Japanese...

* * *

 

If Vanille thought that Fang was going to be enraged at her choices would be bad, she had obviously forgotten what an enraged Fang was like. The older woman was standing with her face still a little pale from chaos travel looking at her with a face that Vanille could honestly say she hadn’t seen since she’d lied to her during their l’cie days. Fang was more then angry but Vanille was not going to back down. Fang might think it right to continuously treat her like a child. But there was no way she was going to leave when there was a chance to make everything better.

“So explain to me why you think it’s okay to be a sacrificial lamb for The Order? Why you think that it will be perfectly okay to let them do what they want?!” The older woman was getting increasingly louder and Vanille found herself getting more and more annoyed.

“So… What you’re telling me is that what I should do is go back out into the desert and let The Order continue to kill innocent people? That my one chance to contact Hope when there are no other options is pointless? You claim you love me enough to move destroy worlds for me but you… You don’t trust me to make decisions for myself. You don’t trust me to do my part Fang and it hurts.” Vanille closed her eyes and lifted her hands into the prayer position that she found so comforting. “You want me to just sit back and watch the world march to the end when there has become a chance that things can change.”

“A chance for change? Hope?” Fang laughed almost hysterically. “Hope is dead Vanille! In both senses of the word. And yes, the end is coming. We are all going to die. Why should we have to die for other people’s wishes?”

“I’m dying for my own wish!” Vanille glared at her furiously. “And Hope is alive. Both of them.”

Fang stepped back and looked at the smaller woman. And realized that yes, woman was the thing that she had been missing. Vanille was still in the body she possessed at nineteen though at this point she was hundreds of years old. And probably quite adult in her ways of thinking. Fang swallowed hard and sat down heavily on the bed.

“Is it so wrong that I want to keep you safe?” She asked quietly and Vanille sighed and sat next to her.

“Keeping me safe is one thing.” She took the other’s hand and held it tightly. “But you aren’t doing that and you know it. You’ve got to get over the hold that the chaos and the long life has had on you. What use will you be to the others if you are always reacting with rage and hate and regret?”

Fang swallowed hard and pulled Vanille close. She pressed her face into the other’s hair and closed her eyes. She didn’t know if she had the ability to let go of the crippling pain, and guilt she felt. She kissed her temple and pulled back.

“I… I’m going to trust you. I can’t say that I believe that things will change or get better but I will trust you.” Fang replied softly.

“Then do what I need you to do. Go back to The Wastelands and protect the ruins. Keep The Order from getting ahold of the Clavis. Do your part Fang.”

The older woman nodded weakly and stood up and headed back to where Noel was waiting. When she exited the room Noel was glaring at her with such ferocity that she stepped back. She straightened her back and stepped forward and he lifted up his hand and held it out, palm up with chaos brimming inside it.

“Don’t you ever talk shit out your mouth that you don’t know to get your way. Hope is alive and is a person not a tool. The next time, I won’t be so nice to you.” He took her hand and dragged her into the streams of chaos.

* * *

Lighting sat before the throne Etro looking at the whispery remains of the goddess with a low sigh. The goddess spoke in riddles and other ridiculously means as her power and even her mind had been splintered. The world was dying and everything was wrong. She turned her back on the ailing goddess and looked towards the Ark. Hope’s saving grace of humanity that was now his prison as he was held up by an insane god.

“You worry for him.” It was from another person, it had to be with that striking amount of clarity. Lightning spun around to find not Etro but the daughter of Etro. Yeul was standing next to the throne, wrapped in chaos magic but her eyes were surprisingly clear. The two stared at each other and Yuel sigh softly. “She can barely even think anymore. Bhunivelze is attacking her from the inside. It’s up to you to stop him and save the goddess.”

“And how do you think I should do that?” Lightning rolled her eyes.

“I can’t see the future anymore. But I do know on thing. Only the gods can kill the gods. That is why Etro is wounded and not dead. If you could procure a part of one of the three Gods. Or even the greater Fal’cie... You could change things. Even better the relics of Mywnn.” She stepped forward and took Lightning’s hand. “Making the impossible possible. That is what you and the other’s do. The chosen of Etro.” She disappeared.

Lightning rolled her eyes and turned to walk away. “Claire…” The goddess spoke quietly. “Don’t leave yet Claire.”

Lighting turned back around to reach out to the goddess but something wrapped around her. Brighter then anything she’d ever seen before the tendrils of light curled around her and pulled her away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And naturally! Thank you all so very much for reading. From those that comment to those that lurk. And considering this site, the kudos as well. It all means a lot to me and thanks for sticking through this. I look forward to seeing, hearing and knowing that you are reading the next one!

**Author's Note:**

> So! There will only be about 10 chapters for this and then the next major ark so hopefully I should get this all out before the end of June. And er.... yeah that's it!


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